From Darkness to Light
by SecretSongbird
Summary: Harry is going through a hard time and is trying to deal with anger issues. Severus takes him in hand and turns him back into the Harry Potter that everyone once knew. Contains spanking.
1. Author's Notes

Author's Notes for _Darkness to Light_

A few people have asked how the timeline in this story works. This is essentially the same lead-in I posted with _Potions Protégé_ with a few minor modifications. Since this interaction will only be between Harry, Professor Snape, the staff at Hogwarts and of course, Ron, Hermione and Ginny, the plight of the other characters created by Mrs Rowling may not be referenced or will only be hinted at through words or character actions.

Some personal thoughts. I never agreed with the ending to _Deathly Hallows_ and felt that J.K. Rowling did Severus Snape a disservice in not allowing him to survive. Given his contributions and sacrifices, and even his somewhat dour wit, I felt he should have been allowed to finally live a happy life, free from his past. I realize, however, that when things are being written, the character often "speaks" to the author asking for a certain path to be taken. It is this ability to "hear" the characters that makes a good writer. :)

I took a little artistic license in unofficially modifying some of the events recorded in _Half-Blood Prince _and _Deathly Hallows._ At the moment, I do not intend to use any direct lines from the books written by J.K. Rowling, however, if that information is used, it will be duly noted and appropriate credit will be indicated. The standard disclaimers and any warnings about content will be given at the head of each chapter. Some of the event modifications:

1. Severus Snape did not in fact kill Albus Dumbledore. A completely healthy and unscathed Dumbledore was in a highly secret and safe location, directing the work of the Order of the Phoenix from behind the scenes; Dumbledore's magical double was the one who "died" that night. While Snape and the Order knew of the double, Harry was not aware so to him, and the rest of the magical community, Dumbledore was in fact gone. The Order had been sworn to secrecy until such a time as Voldemort was defeated and until that time, Dumbledore remained in hiding. Dumbledore returned to his position as headmaster of Hogwarts.

2. Snape was still attacked by Nagini that final night, however, having planned for the possibility, her bite was not fatal. Once Voldermort was defeated and Dumbledore was able to make his presence known, Snape was cleared of all charges related to his involvement in the war, given the appropriate awards and recognition for his unerring loyalty and sacrifices, and was offered, and gladly accepted, his restoration to the teaching staff at Hogwarts as the Potions Master/Professor and head of Slytherin house.

3. In _Potions Protégé, _I used a flashback involving Harry as he is talking with Ginny. He was remembering the two week time period that he spent with Severus during the advent of his 7th year following the end of the war with Voldemort. Several readers had pressed for me to write of the actual "events" during that time, so consider _Darkness to Light_ something of an outtake story.

It is my hope that this introduction, albeit posted after the main story :), will help set the "stage," so to speak, on the plight of the characters.

Secret Songbird


	2. Hitting Rock Bottom

_Author's Note: I have had several requests to write about Harry's two weeks with Severus during the Christmas break. While this had not been intended as an outtake to Potion's Protégé, I find myself interested in the challenge. _

_This takes place roughly 14 months post war. Harry is going through a hard time, trying to deal with his final year and also trying o come to grips with the losses suffered during the final battle. Everything comes to a head on the last day of the winter term when Harry makes the mistake of going off on Severus. What follows is two of the hardest weeks Harry has ever endured as Severus takes him in hand and turns him back into the Harry Potter that everyone once knew._

**Content warning for language.**

Chapter 1

Hitting Rock Bottom

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

It was the day before the end of term and Harry made his way morosely into the Charms classroom. This was the last end-of-term exam for the term but Harry knew that even on Outstanding on this exam would not bring his term grade up to passing. The same thing had happened in both Transfiguration and Potions. In fact, the only classes he was going to pass this term were Defense Against the Dark Arts and Herbology, of all things.

45 minutes later, Harry walked back out of the classroom not really caring where he was going. He had been right. He had only been able to answer a few of the questions on the written exam, and those just from hearing the information over and over again in class. He had just barely squeaked through the practical but it still would do nothing for his term grade. Professor Flitwick had taken him aside after he turned in his written exam, the disappointed look on his face very clear, and asked Harry if he was sure he wanted to turn in the exam, maybe he wanted to work on it a little more? Harry had just shaken his head and walked out of the room, not bothering to acknowledge Hermione and Ron's concerned looks as he passed their desk.

An hour later, Hermione and Ron found Harry in the common room, moping in front of the fire as was his want these past weeks.

"Harry," Hermione said gently, as she sat across from her long-time friend. "What happened in Charms?"

"What do you think happened Hermione?" Harry snapped suddenly. "I failed the fucking exam. Why can't you leave me the fuck alone about all this? I told you before I wasn't going to pass the term and this exam certainly wasn't going to suddenly give me a passing grade," Harry barely registered the shocked and hurt look on Hermione's face, and Ron's equally upset expression, as he got up suddenly, shoving past the pair as he made his way out of the common room.

As Hermione and Ron watched Harry stomp out of the common room, and upset Hermione turned to Ron.

"Do you have any idea what is going on with Harry?" she asked, her face sad. "He's been like this ever since term started; angry, upset, snapping at everyone, not caring about classwork. He was the one that approached the ministry to let us return, yet, it seems this is the last place he wants to be."

Ron looked at Hermione, that sat next to her, drawing her into his arms. He kissed her forehead gently.

"I don't know. He spent some time at the Burrow this past summer when he finally got away from everyone asking him to recount the final fight. He was a little withdrawn even then but seemed OK. Mum was concerned because he wasn't eating, but then, Harry never ate much anyway. I think he just needs time to himself to get away from everyone constantly asking him questions or asking him for something. "

Hermione sighed as she snuggled in Ron's arms. "Maybe you're right," she said. "Maybe he just needs some space, but, I'm worried. He has never refused your invitation to the Burrow for Christmas so his refusal this year makes no sense."

Ron didn't say anything as he thought back to Harry's reaction to the invitation. He hadn't just refused the invitation; he had done so loudly, snarling at Ginny when she asked him. Apparently, Ginny had asked him a couple of times, in hopes of getting him to change his mind. The last time, however, Harry had snarled at Ginny to leave him the hell alone and to quit bugging him about it. Ginny had been in tears off and on the rest of the day, despite Ron and Hermione's best efforts to talk her out of them. Harry, apparently unaffected, had avoided the trio to the point they barely saw him other than in classes. Even then, he was withdrawn and sat alone. Ron was hoping it was simple stress and fatigue that had Harry all out of sorts, and that the end of the two week break would find him in a better frame of mind.

The morning of the last day of term dawned with cloudy skies and a cold, bitter wind. The Hogwart's train was scheduled to pull out of the Hogsmeade Station at 1, and everyone was hoping the threatening snow would hold off until evening. Still, there were a half day of classes to endure. The students that were not planning on staying at Hogwarts for the break were all packed; their trunks and assorted bags already on their way to the train station. For the first time in memory, the students were allowed to attend the final day of classes in their normal clothes, this for a quicker exit from the school in order to avoid the threatening weather.

They were following their normal Tuesday schedule, which meant that Harry, Ron and Hermione had double potions as their last class for the morning. Harry had shown up for Defense Against the Dark Arts and Herbology, but that was as far as his participation went. Professor Sprout had given them the next term's project information, and a long essay to complete over the break. Harry had gone ballistic.

"Why the fuck are you giving us homework over the break?" he had shouted at the stunned professor, before snatching his bag off the greenhouse floor. "Maybe you need a dictionary to understand the meaning of the word 'break'" he finished, before stomping angrily out of the greenhouse. Stunned silence followed him. Professor Sprout was the first to recover and quietly dismissed her students 15 minutes early after wishing them a good holiday.

Ron and Hermione had caught up with Harry and Hermione had laid into him about his attitude and general disrespect towards Professor Sprout, who had never been anything other than kind to Harry. Ginny, unfortunately, had come around the corner on her way to the greenhouses just as Harry exploded.

"Dammit Hermione will you get off of me?" Harry shouted. "I am sick to death of you, Ron and Ginny always on my back. It's the last day of term, we have a two week break finally and Sprout decides to give us an essay that is going to take hours to complete. We are almost guaranteed at least that much homework again from Snape as his idea of a break is only reading four references instead of the normal ten to complete his essays. This place is driving me mad and I don't need you three to add to it. At least with you three gone the next two weeks I might get a breather from your constant nagging. Just leave me the hell alone!" he yelled as he turned on his heel, making his way to the Potion's classroom. If Harry had looked back, he would have noticed the tears on the faces of Hermione and Ginny, and Ron's pale face and tight lipped disapproval.

Walking in to the Potion's classroom, Ron and Hermione took a table away from where Harry was sitting, not even acknowledging he was there and leaving him alone to brood. Looking up, Harry felt a lump form in his throat as Ron and Hermione passed him without speaking to him. He was cringing inside at what he had said to them and he wanted desperately to apologize. He made an effort to stand up and go over to them, but, Professor Snape walked in at that same moment and Harry lost his chance.

Potions hadn't gone well. The base they were required to brew was easy enough; a 6th year base and Harry should have been able to brew it easily. This time however, his emotions in a jumble and upset over his confrontation with Ron, Hermione and Ginny, he couldn't concentrate and inevitably, he missed a step, completely ruining the base. To top that off, Professor Snape, true to his teaching self, had given them an essay that Harry knew he had no hopes to actually complete given that he had more or less mentally slept through the entire term. Professor Snape had not been kind in his assessment of Harry's efforts, berating him roundly for failing an easy potion, the scathing words finally snapping what little control Harry still possessed. Not knowing quite why, Harry had swept the still full cauldron to the floor, splashing the ruined potion everywhere, barely avoiding hitting any of the other students. Silence had reined in the room while everyone held their breath, looking expectantly at Professor Snape and waiting for the explosion. Maybe not so much of a surprise to the class, Professor Snape had been too angry to actually explode. He had very visibly kept a hold of his temper and told Harry through tightly clenched teeth that since he was staying for the break, he could spend his first night in detention. Still feeling angry but allowing his teenage self-preservation instinct to kick in, Harry had not bothered to acknowledge the order, but had simply sat back down until class ended.

Now, Harry watched sadly as Ron, Hermione and Ginny left for Hogsmeade to board the train to go home for the Christmas break. He deeply regretted his outburst from that morning, and the fact that he hadn't apologized or tried to patch things over before they left. Now, it would hang over all four of them over the next two weeks until they were all back together for the new term. Harry didn't know what was wrong. He felt like he had back in 5th year when Voldemort had been growing stronger and had invaded Harry's dreams. Back then, he had been like a constantly burning short fuse; ready to blow at almost anything. He had been so angry, all the time. Despite the fact the war had effectively ended 14 months ago, the anger was back and Harry, for the life of him, couldn't understand why. He could tell that Ginny had been hurt when Harry refused her's and Ron's invitation to spend Christmas at the Burrow. He hadn't just refused either, no, he had yelled at Ginny and told her to just leave him the hell alone. The memory of the look on Ginny's face still cut him to the quick. He knew Ron had wanted to go off on him afterwards but he and Hermione had just given him the cold shoulder. Immediately after, Harry had told himself he didn't care what they thought but now…..

Turning around and wiping at a tear that had somehow found its way down his cheek, Harry wanted to make his way back to Gryffindor tower. The castle was all but deserted now, most of the students had gone and the few remaining students and a handful of staff were all that remained. Harry knew that no other Gryffindors had stayed behind so he had the tower literally to himself, to brood in for the next two weeks. Problem was, it was now just 15 minutes before the start of his detention and Harry had a feeling it wouldn't be a detention spent just writing lines or cleaning cauldrons. Somehow, the very fact that Snape had acted almost unSnapelike in not blowing a fuse, made it that much harder to actually walk to what Harry thought was to be his doom.

Wiping his suddenly sweaty palms on the side of his trousers, Harry knocked on the hard wooden door.

"Get in here Potter," Snape's muffled snarl came through the door.


	3. Starting the Healing

**Content warning for language and spanking**

Chapter 2

Starting the Healing

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

From the previous chapter: Harry knocked on the hard wooden door. "Get in here Potter," Snape's muffled snarl came through the door.

* * *

Swallowing hard, Harry walked in, closing the door gently behind him.

Harry spotted a bucket of water and a stiff bristled brush in front of Snape's desk.

Looking back up at Snape, Harry had a feeling he knew what his detention was going to be.

"Start scrubbing Potter. This floor had better be so clean you could eat off of it."

Harry walked up and grabbed the bucket so forcefully that some of the water sloshed over the side, acting like a match and starting the slow burn of that fuse on his anger again. Taking a deep breath to try and contain the anger that was threatening to burst out, Harry carried the bucket to the back of the room where his cauldron still lay on the floor. Picking up the cauldron and putting it back on the desktop, Harry kneeled down on the hard stone floor and started scrubbing.

Three hours later and several snarling insults as to the quality of his scrubbing, Harry finished up the last corner. Dropping the brush into the bucket, Harry stood, groaning at his aching knees and back. Professor Snape had walked out a half hour ago, mumbling something Harry couldn't quite make out; Harry had assumed Snape was telling him to keep working and he would be back. Just as Harry was putting away the bucket, the door to Snape's office opened.

Snape peered into the lab and snorted. Looking at Harry he inadvertently set Harry off again with his words.

"Took you long enough Potter. I suppose the job was completed adequately, but really, such a simple chore and you still can't get it right."

Harry snapped.

"Fuck off," he yelled and almost without realizing, Harry pulled back his right hand and making a fist, brought it forward intent only on knocking Snape flat.

His instincts good, Snape dodged the blow, but Harry's fist connected with Severus' shoulder just enough that Severus was knocked off balance. As he stumbled, Harry turned and started towards the door.

Quickly regaining his balance by grabbing onto the nearest desk, Severus had his wand in his hand almost instantly as he threw a charm at the lab door, locking it securely just as Harry put his hand on the handle.

"Oh no you don't Potter, not after that little display," Severus snarled at him.

Not waiting for Harry to even try and walk back, Snape walked up to Harry and grabbed his arm, all but dragging him back to his office. Harry fought the entire way, kicking at Snape, trying to pry Snape's hand away from his wrist and using every swear word he could think of, his anger just boiling over. Severus was actually surprised at just how hard Harry was fighting. Anger was one thing but this was a bit much, even for Harry.

Severus winced at a particularly hard kick to his ankle. "Potter, kick me again and I'll lock you in the tower until the day you graduate, which if you keep up with this tantrum, won't be until you are 40!"

Maintaining his hold on Harry, Severus walked them through his office and into his private quarters. Releasing Harry's wrist, Severus locked the door. In almost the same instant, Harry picked up the nearest object, which happened to be a pitcher of water, and threw it at Severus. Having been surprised from the action, Severus managed to step sideways just in time to keep from getting hit in the head, but the pitcher caught his shoulder, showering him with the water. Snape was uninjured but, unfortunately for Harry, he was a lot angrier than he had been.

Harry had seemed surprise at his own actions and was standing there looking at his now incensed Professor, too shocked to actually move. He jumped when Snape crossed to him in three long strides and grabbed Harry's arm in one hand while grabbing an armless chair with the other. Plonking the chair in a clear area, Snape sat down and yanked Harry down hard over his lap. Suddenly realizing where this was leading, Harry started struggling, yelping when Severus inadvertently put too much pressure on his right arm trying to subdue him, wrenching Harry's shoulder.

Using his wand to bare Harry's bottom, Snape transfigured the quill sitting on the desk into a sturdy ruler. Accioing the ruler to him, Snape caught it deftly and in one smooth action, brought it down with a resounding 'CRACK' on Harry's bottom. Too angry to really feel the sting, Harry continued to struggle and curse.

Taking a couple of deep breaths to calm his own anger, Severus landed ten hard cracks before Harry finally stopped struggling, the sting and burning in his backside beginning to break through the anger. Sensing a slight change, Severus started to lecture Harry, interspersing his words with biting cracks of the ruler.

"You have been on thin ice all term Potter," Severs said sternly, bringing the ruler down again. "Your grades have been abominable, 'CRACK,' your attitude and temper is worse than it has ever been 'CRACK' and you have the unmitigated 'CRACK' gall 'CRACK' to actually 'CRACK' try 'CRACK' and 'CRACK' punch 'CRACK' me 'CRACK'! I would remind you 'CRACK' that physical violence 'CRACK' against a teacher 'CRACK' calls for automatic 'CRACK' expulsion! 'CRACK.'

Pausing a moment, Severus listened to Harry silently. Still not hearing what he wanted to hear, Severus went on. While the start of the punishment had been just that, Severus was now looking for the cause of the anger. Shifting Harry slightly forward, Severus cracked the ruler down swiftly, a half dozen times, on the area where Harry's bottom met his thighs. This action seemed to put a serious crack in the dam of Harry's emotions and he started crying. A few more cracks and Harry started sobbing and babbling. Severus was aware that Harry was saying something and he stopped for a moment in an effort to make out what Harry was saying.

"I'm s-sorry, I couldn't save them, I-I t-tried. I-I'm sorry. I-I w-wanted to save them, I-I tried so h-hard" Harry sobbed brokenly.

Severus drew in a startled breath.

Putting the ruler down, Severus re-dressed Harry and helped him to stand. Holding Harry by the upper arms, Severus meant to continue the lecture, but, when he looked into Harry's eyes, what he saw made his heart ache and the scalding words died in his throat. Harry was shaking with the force of his crying, his face soaked with the tears that were still falling freely. But his eyes, they showed, pain. Not pain from the spanking he had just received, this was a deeper pain, this was raw pain, this was pure emotion. Severus realized something at that moment, Harry was in agony. Severus' anger faded away as though it had never been as he released Harry's arms. Holding his arms opened slightly in silent invitation, he was still surprised when Harry all but fell into them, clinging to Severus and sobbing into his chest. Wrapping his arms around Harry, he held him tight, rubbing his back with one hand while the other gently held Harry's head to his chest.

Severus didn't speak, allowing Harry to cry freely for as long as he needed to. It took many long minutes and just when Severus was about to summon a calming draught, Harry's sobs eased back. Gently pushing Harry back a little, but still holding him, Severus looked into his eyes again. Harry was calmer though his eyes still held a hint of pain.

"Potter, Harry, what is it?" Severus asked.

Shaking his head Harry laid it back on Severus' chest, taking deep breaths of air to try and control his crying. Moving them both over to the couch, Severus eased them down, continuing to hold Harry and eventually, Harry fell asleep in Severus' arms, completely exhausted.

**Wednesday**

Harry awoke the next morning, yawning and stretching, then wincing at the sting across his bottom and the headache thrumming behind his gritty eyes. Wrinkling his brow in confusion, Harry was trying to figure out why his backside was stinging when suddenly it hit him and he groaned. 'Oh no' he thought to himself. 'I didn't just cry all over Snape.' Tossing the covers back, he looked over at the table sitting to his right and spotting his glasses, he slipped them on. He looked down and saw that he was wearing a set of green satin pajamas, 'typical Slytherin' Harry thought amused, realizing that Snape must have carried him in to the room after he had fallen asleep the night before.

Slipping out of the bed and putting his feet on the floor, Harry quickly stood as the sting in his bottom flared again. Rubbing his bottom gently, Harry made his way to the bathroom he could see from where he was standing. Once he came out of the bathroom, he looked around for his clothes. Grumbling slightly when he couldn't find them, he made his way out to the sitting room where he found Severus seated in an armchair, reading the Daily Prophet in front of a roaring fire wearing his dressing gown and slippers, a large mug of coffee at his elbow. Severus looked up as Harry hesitantly entered the room. Putting down the paper he was reading, he looked at Harry for a moment.

"Feeling better?" he asked him.

"Hm," Harry said vaguely, not sure what to say to the man who had spanked him and then held him until he had fallen asleep. To say Harry was feeling embarrassed was an understatement.

Severus was the first to break the ice.

"We are going to talk," he said firmly, "but I think you need breakfast and maybe some more sleep. You still look exhausted."

"I'm not tired, though I do have a headache, but, I think I'll be fine after a shower," Harry said.

Severus stood up and walked over to a cabinet. Opening it, he rummaged around for a second before bringing out a vial, which he handed to Harry.

"Hemlock?" Harry questioned.

"You aren't getting off that easy," Severus returned. "It's for your headache."

Harry uncorked the vial and tossed it back, grimacing at the taste.

"Go take a shower," Severus told Harry. "I'll have a house elf get some clothes for you; they'll be on the bed. Breakfast will be waiting once you are ready."

"I'm not hungry," Harry grumbled, as he turned back to the door leading to the bedroom he had just left.

"Never the less you will eat," Severus said firmly from behind him.

Harry came back into the sitting room 20 minutes later, wearing a loose fitting pair of jeans and the jumper Mrs Weasley had knitted him for Christmas last year. Severus was already at the table, having dressed himself, where a large platter of assorted breakfast items had appeared.

"Sit down and eat," Severus told him as he entered the room.

The shower had helped with the lingering ache on his backside but eyeing the hard chairs at the table, Harry was reluctant to accommodate Snape's request.

"I said I wasn't hungry."

"And I said you were going to eat regardless, now. sit. down." Severus enunciated, his voice growing stern.

Harry sat carefully in the chair directly across the table from Severus, wincing slightly. Not looking up at Snape, Harry took a small helping of eggs and sausage and somehow managed to clean his plate, even though Severus continued to watch him silently. His stomach rolling with nerves, Harry just wanted to get out of Snape's presence.

Harry stood up. "Thanks for breakfast, I'll just get going now."

"I don't think so," Severus interjected smoothly. "After last night's little display, I think you owe me an explanation for your behavior, not to mention an apology."

Harry flushed again as Snape's words brought back the memory of the punch and the pitcher. Harry knew he needed to apologize, but, he couldn't get the words out, so he remained silent.

"Nothing to say huh," Severus taunted. "You seemed pretty vocal last night. Be thankful that I am considering that spanking as payment for everything or you would have a mouth full of soap right now," he scolded. ."If you ever attack me, or any teacher for that matter, again, or talk to me the way you did last night, of age or not, I will make that spanking look like a massage. Do you hear me?" he finished sternly.

Going even redder, Harry muttered, "Yes sir."

Severus stood up and made his way over to his chair, gesturing for Harry to take a seat on the couch.

Harry still couldn't meet Snape's eyes so he contented himself with staring into the fire. Despite his earlier assertions, he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. His eyes were feeling heavy and a deep weariness was beginning to make itself felt.

"Potter, look at me," Severus said.

Harry reluctantly looked up.

"What is going on in that head of yours?" Severus asked.

Harry shrugged, he really didn't want to talk about this. "I don't want to talk about it OK?" he said a little belligerently. "It's no big deal."

"I disagree," Severus snapped. "You have been walking around all term a hair's breadth from verbally, if not physically, attacking anything or anyone who dares to say anything. You have all but alienated the people you have called friends for many years. You have been disrespectful and argumentative to me and the other staff members despite detentions, extra homework and loss of points; do I need to go on?" Severus finished. "I thought I told you to look at me" Severus said sternly, as Harry dropped his eyes to the floor again. When Harry looked up at him, Severus went on. "What you have to realize is that no matter what you are going through right now, you don't have to do it alone and you can't remain quiet. Whatever is happening is eating you alive and until you talk about it to someone, things aren't going to improve."

Harry bristled. "Why the hell should I talk when no one gives a damn what I am feeling or why. People don't seem to have a problem coming to me for help or to ask something of me, but they are suddenly busy elsewhere if I might need something in return," he blurted.

Severus thought he heard a clue in Harry's last sentence, but he wasn't entirely sure.

"Elaborate," Severus said.

Harry sighed as he leaned back on the couch.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Harry, it is not 'nothing', not in what I think I am hearing and obviously not in your mind either. What happened to put you in this state?" Severus asked, his voice firm, but gentle.

Harry felt a lump in his throat and stared into the fire again. He really didn't want to talk about this but he also knew Snape wasn't going to let him go, at least not until Harry humiliated himself completely. He opened his mouth and then hesitated.

"Let me help you Harry," Severus coaxed gently.

"I," Harry stopped, closing his eyes. Severus waited patiently.

"I have felt angry all term and I don't know why. Voldermort is gone, everything is OK again, yet, I feel always on edge, just like I did two years ago when Voldemort was invading my dreams," Harry said quietly. "I was fine after that last night, when Voldemort was finally defeated, or as fine as anyone could be. We were all mourning people," Harry stopped for a moment, returning his gaze into the fire. He was speaking almost absently, as though detaching himself from what he was saying.

"In the weeks following, so many people were buried. Family members kept asking me to speak at their loved one's funerals; I went to as many of the funerals as I could, I owed that to them at least, but I couldn't get to all of them, there were just too many. Some were mad when I couldn't make it. All those faces of the people I failed to save," Harry whispered brokenly.

Severus sat stunned at Harry's last words, the words Harry had been whispering when he was over Severus' knees made sense now.

"Harry," Severus said gently. "There were bound to be losses. The battle that night was intense and the situation was dangerous. Everyone that fought that night knew the dangers and the possible consequences. They had a chance to make the decision not to fight, to stay safe somewhere else, but they made the decision to support what was happening. You were the prime instrument in the death of Voldemort and if anything, the wizarding world owes you a great debt." A thought struck Severus.

"When you went to those funerals, did anyone ever ask you how you were doing?"

Harry looked up. "Why would they?"

Severus groaned inwardly, now understanding.

"They thanked me for coming but otherwise stayed with their families."

Severus was angry again, not at Harry, but at all the unfeeling and selfish people Harry had dealt with over the course of a few weeks. They had obviously all wanted the prestige of having Harry present at the funeral, but couldn't take the time to make sure Harry was actually emotionally up to the task. No wonder he was lashing out.

"Harry, don't you understand? It was wrong of people to expect you to be there for them when they couldn't be bothered to make sure you were holding up. You weren't absent that last night, you were in the thick of things and probably saw more than anyone. You needed time to come to grips with everything you had gone through yet people were selfish and unfeeling in demanding your time and attention. You were upset and hurting at the time but eventually, over the course of passing time, your holding in that hurt to avoid possibly hurting anyone else's feelings by admitting you couldn't be there for them, turned into anger and that isn't unusual," Severus finished gently, standing up and moving over to the couch where Harry sat, his head in his hands and shoulders hunched.

Putting his hand under Harry's chin, he applied gentle pressure until Harry was looking up at him with eyes drowning in unshed tears. Even as Severus watched, the tears overflowed and ran silently down Harry's cheeks.

Sitting down next to Harry, Severus put his arm around Harry's shoulders; using his hand to gently pull Harry's head to his shoulder. The action was too much for Harry's fragile emotions, the sobs breaking out again as he hid his face in the white shirt Severus was wearing, finally letting go of the anger, and the pain.


	4. Thursday

Chapter 3

Thursday

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

Harry was sitting at the table in Severus' quarters, working on his potion's essay, reference books spread out in front of him. He shifted his weight every now and then, trying to get more comfortable on the hard chair. While much of the discomfort from the spanking he had received a couple of nights ago had dissipated, there was still just enough that made sitting for a long time uncomfortable. Still, Harry didn't dare leave the table. Snape had been quite clear in his expectations that Harry make a good dent in the essay before allowing him a break, telling Harry to keep working until he got back.

Severus hadn't gone easy on Harry even though it was the second full day of the winter break. He had gotten Harry out of bed promptly at 7:30, fed him breakfast and set him to his homework. Around 9, Severus had allowed Harry a short breather before announcing he was going to leave for a while and for Harry to continue with his work.

It was 11:30 when Severus walked back into his quarters, to find Harry still working. In truth, Severus was actually a little surprised Harry had stayed put given his behavior and attitude the last day of term. he had fully expected to come back to another confrontation which would have ended badly for Harry if it had happened. Closing the door behind him, he walked over to where Harry was working and laid several sheets of parchment on the table. Harry looked up as Severus sat down in the chair opposite him. Severus handed Harry yet another piece of parchment which Harry recognized as the standard end of term report, and watched passively as Harry opened the parchment and read his grades. Even knowing he had failed at least three classes, Harry's stomach twisted at what he read.

Charms: D

Transfiguration: P

Defense Against the Dark Arts: A

Herbology: A

Potions: T

Severus noticed the shaking that started in Harry's hands as he read through the grades and felt a little sympathy. Before last night's talk Severus wouldn't have believed Harry would be affected by the grades, but, given what he was seeing, Harry was shaken. When Harry looked up, face pale, Severus spoke.

"I don't think I need to tell you what those grades mean. Normally, a report like that at the end of the first term would mean being dismissed from the failed classes. At NEWT level, it is almost impossible to catch up enough from a failed first term to get a passing grade for the year," he said, his voice firm.

"I just met with Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick," Severus started. "Given what you told me last night, I have a potential solution, however, I had to clear it with them first. They, and I, have agreed to allow you to complete the work you failed to complete during the term, however, you must complete that work during these two weeks before the next term starts. If you complete the work satisfactorily, it will raise your grade to the 'acceptable' level so that you may remain in class. Once the new term starts, failure to turn in any two assignments in a class over the course of the next term, barring any unusual circumstances, will result in your immediate dismissal from that class."

Harry swallowed hard, his eyes fixed on the table in front of him.

Severus gestured to the several sheets of parchment he had laid on the table. "Those are the assignments you failed to complete throughout the term for all three classes. You are lucky in that you somehow managed to pass all of your practicals in Charms and Transfiguration, however, you have a lot of written work to make up in those two classes as well as your written and brewing work for Potions. I won't lie to you Harry, this won't be easy" Severus said, "you would be making up almost an entire term's work in two weeks. Still, it is the only thing you can do to stay in these classes. Look at me," Severus said sternly, as he put a finger under Harry's chin, forcing Harry to look up.

"We are willing to help you in this but you have to make the effort. I can put together a schedule that will help but it would mean following that schedule to the letter and not deviating. It would also require you to remain in these quarters with me, which means abiding by the rules I set out, so I can monitor your progress and adjust the schedule as needed; your free time would be limited. You have a decision to make, one with which I can't help you. It is up to you to make the commitment," Severus finished, releasing Harry's chin. "Given the amount of work, I can only give you until dinner to make your decision. If you choose not to make the effort, you will not be allowed to continue in class when the new term begins."

As Severus stood up, he was stopped by Harry.

"I won't need until dinner," Harry said softly. "I want to try."

Severus nodded. "Very well. I will have that schedule for you shortly. Continue to work on what was assigned yesterday; I want you to try and get both assignments completed today so you don't have that to complete as well. Then you can concentrate on the make-up work." Severus laid his hand gently on Harry's shoulder. "Take a short breather; I'll have Stiry bring lunch. You can get back to work once you have eaten." At Harry's nod, Severus gave Harry's shoulder a gentle squeeze and then went to call Stiry.

_12:30_

Harry sighed as he sat back down at the table and pulled his potions essay back in front of him. The topic was pretty involved, but, Harry was glad to see he was almost done with the assigned length and felt he had done a better than usual job. Still, he knew full well that if this wasn't up to Snape's exacting standards, he would be re-writing it until it was acceptable.

_3 PM_

Harry put down his quill, capped the inkwell and sat back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head to work out the stiffness from sitting for so long. He had managed to complete both of the assigned essays, the Herbology essay being easier than he had thought it would be. He flushed a little when he remembered his outburst at Professor Sprout. He knew full well he owed her an apology but wasn't looking forward to the probable lecture and possible detention she would issue in response. He started a little when a tray containing a pitcher of cold pumpkin juice and assorted fruit popped into view on the table in front of him. Stiry, he thought, as he poured a glass of the juice and drank it down, not realizing how thirsty he was until just that moment.

"How are things coming Harry?" Severus asked, as he walked into the room from his office.

"Pretty good I think," Harry answered. "I am done with the assigned essays or at least, I have completed them," Harry said wryly, handing several sheets of parchment to Severus.

Severus took the proffered sheets. "It is 3 pm. Why don't you take an hour or so, take a walk, go flying, do something to relax, but be back here by 4. I should have your schedule completed by then and we can go over it. I'll also look at these and make any corrections or suggestions for improvement."

Harry nodded and stood up gratefully, glad to give his aching backside a rest from the hard chair. He didn't hesitate as he walked to the door leading directly to the corridor. Opening it, he glanced back at Severus and before leaving the room, said "thanks professor, for everything." Walking out the door, he missed Severus' stunned expression.

Harry made his way to the greenhouses figuring Professor Sprout would be lovingly tending her plants. It took him a few minutes but he finally found her in greenhouse three, the one normally occupied by the second-year students. Harry smiled in memory as he walked into the warm structure and saw the mandrakes lined up. Judging by the leaf growth, they weren't quite ready for repotting as yet. Another week or so he guessed; just in time for the second-years to come back from break.

Professor Sprout hadn't seen Harry as yet as she was busy trimming a group of Poinsettias, getting them ready to move into the Great Hall for the Christmas celebration two days hence. Harry hesitated but then took a deep breath for courage and walked up to the professor, making sure she saw him approach so as not to startle her. When she spotted him, her lips tightened slightly but she didn't say anything as he approached. Harry's heart sank. Her silence in and of itself was telling that she was not happy with him.

"Professor, I…" Harry flushed and looked at the floor, unable to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry professor," he said quietly. "I had no right to speak to you the way I did."

Harry squirmed slightly under the normally jovial teacher's disapproving stare, the silence going on. Why didn't she say something? He felt an encouraging finger under his chin and he lifted his eyes to her face, not so far to go considering he was a half head taller than the Professor.

"You have never been anything other than respectful to me Mr Potter, which made your outburst yesterday that much worse. As this was the first time you have ever dared speak to me that way, I am willing to let this incident go just this once. I will remind you, however, that a repeat will not be tolerated. If you ever speak to me like that again, I won't hesitate to correct your attitude. Do I make myself clear?" she finished sternly.

"Yes Professor," Harry answered immediately. "I really am sorry," he said again, almost desperately.

The professor's normally kind expression returned as she patted his shoulder. "I know," she said, her voice gentle. "Off with you now, I have Poinsettias to trim."

Harry smiled as the professor waved him away. "Thanks professor," he said as he walked out of the greenhouse, his heart a little lighter.

_4 pm_

Severus looked up as Harry walked back in to the room. "Right on time," he said approvingly.

"Come over here and sit down. I've finished the schedule."

Harry made his way over and took a seat on the comfortable couch facing Severus who was, as usual, in his favorite chair.

"Before we go over the schedule, I read your essays. Both are good and can be turned in as is, however, I did make some minor notations on a separate sheet of parchment for you to consider. It might be something for you to look at later if you have time before the break ends."

Harry just nodded and waited for Severus to continue.

"I will give you fair warning that you are not going to like this schedule. As it stands, you will only have about 2 hours of free time each day, except for tomorrow, Friday for Christmas, which will be your one day completely off. While there is no scheduled study time that day, I would encourage you still to do some work just in case something happens later on that causes a delay. You are going to be adhering to an almost normal school schedule otherwise, curfew and lights out at the same time as when classes are in session and there will be no change to this schedule on the weekends. You will be working on all three classes every day and will work on your brewing on Saturday and Sunday. Most of the potions you failed may be brewed in a normal class period so you should be able to catch up rather quickly with those, provided you do not make too many mistakes that would require second attempts. " Here Severus paused as he handed Harry the schedule, sitting back while Harry took in the timetable.

Harry groaned inwardly as he studied the sheet. Aggressive wasn't the word for it. Snape certainly hadn't lied. He had maybe two hours of free time each day, not including the 45 minutes for meals. Otherwise, he was studying or sleeping. It was going to be a very long two weeks.

"Do you have any questions on the schedule?" Severus asked.

"No Sir," Harry replied quietly.

"All right then. The other part of this is the rules for the next two weeks. You will follow that schedule to the letter. I will not hesitate to take away your free time if you decide to slack off. You will be polite and respectful or you will find yourself in the same position you were a couple of nights ago. I will not tolerate temper tantrums or attitude. You are 17, not 6. You have committed yourself to this very adult course of action and I am proud of you for making that choice. Don't let it go to waste. Now, you have about 90 minutes before dinner. Go ahead and get started on the next Charms assignment. You'll probably be able to get that one completed tonight as well as it is not particularly taxing."

Harry nodded and standing up, he went to get his Charms book, bringing it out to the table. Sitting down, he pulled the assignments list to him and found the first of what looked like way too many missed Charms assignments. Sighing, he dutifully opened his text and began reading.

The only break Harry took that night was the 45 minutes he had been allotted for dinner. Immediately upon finishing, and taking a piece of his favorite treacle tart with him, Harry had gone back to his studying. Harry felt good as just as the time came for curfew, he wrote out the last sentence in the essay and then crossed the assignment off the impossibly long list. Having about 30 minutes before lights out, Harry looked at the other assignments and compared them with the schedule. Severus had actually given him plenty of time to complete each assignment, so he would probably be able to save some time here and there.

When it came time for bed, Harry didn't hesitate. He was pleased with how much he had gotten done and for the first time in weeks felt content.


	5. Friday

I apologize for the delay; I had a bout of pneumonia after the last business trip. I also upgraded my system to Windows 7 and it caused a headache with Internet Explorer 8 in that I couldn't download anything without the computer timing out; IE was downloading things at a nice, slow 302 bytes per second. I have the problem semi-repaired but am still arguing with the computer. Updates to _Protege_ and _Snape's Life_ is in the works.

Chapter 4

Friday

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

Christmas Day dawned cold and snowy. It was 8 am when harry awoke, which was unusual. Normally, Snape would have had him up and at the table by 7:30. 'Still,' Harry mused, 'it IS Christmas day.'

Harry crawled out of the warm bed and after cleaning up and dressing warmly, made his way out to the sitting area in Snape's quarters; Harry liked this room the best. Unlike Snape's normal black attire, the room was decorated in browns and creams with shades of green and blue tossed in here and there for a bit of contrast. A cheerful fire blazed in the large fireplace, the flames dancing in colors of yellow and orange. There was a subtle smell of cedar in the air giving an identity to the firewood currently being consumed. Harry spotted Snape seated in his customary morning location, his attention solely on the spread out paper in front of him as he idly sipped his coffee from time to time. Harry made his way over and as he sat down, a bowl of porridge appeared immediately, along with some buttered toast. Harry gaped a bit and then looked up at Snape who smirked in satisfaction without actually looking up.

"I don't like porridge all that much," Harry groused.

"It is good for you. Warms you up, fills you up and keeps you going," Snape said in satisfaction. "Eat that first and then you can have what you want, within reason of course. " Harry watched as Snape pointed over towards another small table.

"I took the liberty of having Stiry bring any newly arrived packages from your bed down here. You may open them after you finish your breakfast. Lunch will be at your leisure, dinner is set for 6 pm in the Great Hall."

Harry took in the small pile of wrapped packages and swallowed hard. He knew where those packages had come from already able to readily identify the standard Weasley jumper he had received every year since meeting the Weasleys. The fact his friends had still sent him Christmas presents after the way he had acted made the guilt flood back, especially since he himself had forgotten to send theirs. It looked like Hedwig wasn't going to get a Christmas break herself, or at least not until she had delivered the packages Harry had stored in his trunk. Still, the packages were already late; another hour or so wouldn't make a difference. He should probably add a note as well, apologizing not only for the late arrival of the packages, but for his behavior as well.

After adding some cream to his porridge, Harry ate silently, occasionally reaching out for a piece of toast. He wasn't really thinking of anything, just letting his mind wander a bit going over the events of the past few months. Severus subtly observed Harry, noting the slightly slumped shoulders as he ate. Severus could see that Harry was engrossed in thought and Severus had an idea of what he was thinking. The look on Harry's face when he had seen the packages was all too telling; his guilt was making itself known and knowing Harry, it would eat him alive until he could come to terms with things.

"What are your plans for today?" Severus asked just as Harry finished eating.

"Not completely sure actually. I have to mail some packages," here Harry's face turned red in embarrassment " then I'll probably work on some more classwork since the weather isn't the best for flying at the moment. I guess I'll just take things as they come; have a quiet day " Harry grinned a bit as he looked mischievously at Snape, "how about you, what are you doing today?"

Just as Harry suspected might happen, Snape stiffened and said,

"I am not in the habit of outlining my schedule to my students, however, if you must know, I have a potion I am working on and will be spending most of the day working on that. "

"Potion brewing?" Harry said incredulously. "It's Christmas! Don't you ever relax, have fun?"

"I am well aware of the day," Severus stated. "You wished for a quiet day and so do I, away from the chattering and incessant noise created by unruly students. I enjoy experimenting with different potions; I do not brew exclusively just to torture students you know. I am a Potions Master which means I may create new potions or try to make improvements to potions already created." Severus gestured to a copy of the latest _Potions Monthly_ journal. "It is the responsibility of Potions Masters to validate outcomes and notify other potion makers of changes in techniques or ingredients that may make a potion more useful, or even harmful if brewed improperly."

Harry tipped his head a little. "So you experiment on potions and then write about what you found?"

Severus nodded once. "You might want to read some of the journals I have on hand here; it might help you in your own brewing actually. If you want, you may also join me today for a while, maybe brew one or two of those potions you need to make up."

Harry grimaced inwardly when he heard himself reply.

"Thanks Professor, maybe I will."

Severus rose to his feet. "I'll be in the lab if you need me," he stated as he walked to the door that led to his office.

Harry just nodded and after the door closed behind Snape, Harry moved over to the packages that lay on the table. His hand shaking slightly, Harry reached for the package which he knew contained the jumper and opened it slowly. A lump rose in his throat when he saw this year's theme; Mrs Weasley had outdone herself. The jumper was knitted in green and contained the silhouette of a silver buck and doe. Lying at the feet of the buck and doe was a black dog. A white wolf had its muzzle raised high, pointed directly at the silvery moon that sat above the quartet. Harry ran his hand gently over the images, remembering the sacrifices of the four people depicted. He had promised Remus he would look after Teddy and Harry swore silently to himself that he would not fail in that promise.

Putting on the jumper, Harry turned to the next package; this one from Hermione. It was square and heavy and Harry smiled slightly; 'another book' he thought. _ThirtyWays to Catch the Worst, by Auror Alastor Moody_. Harry smiled wider; Hermione knew of his desire to become an auror and what better tips than from old Mad-E ye himself. Flipping through the pages, it looked like Mad-Eye had written this before he went, well, mad. Putting the book aside, Harry reached for the next package.

Smaller in size, about the size of a necklace box, Harry noticed it was from Ginny. Opening the package, a small box lay in his palm. Opening it, he found a silver starfish attached to a long silver chain. There was a piece of paper folded up within the box and opening it, Harry read:

"**Starfish:** In Christian symbolism the Starfish represents the Virgin Mary (Stella Maris which means Star of the Sea) who lovingly creates safe travel over troubled waters and is also seen as an emblem of salvation during trying times. The star as well as the Starfish are seen as celestial symbols and as such, they represent infinite divine love. In addition to love, the Starfish also holds characteristics such as guidance, vigilance, inspiration, brilliance and intuition."

Harry noted that Ginny had added:

"Harry, we found each other in the worst times of our world and we found our souls bonded. I chose this symbol as a sign of my lasting love and devotion to you. All my love, Gin."

Harry wiped away the tear that made its way down his cheek as he put the chain over his head, holding the starfish in one hand for a moment. He knew Ginny would be surprised when she got her package for it contained the exact same symbol, only in a rich gold. Seems they really were meant for each other.

The next package was from Ron and contained the typical sweet assortment along with several new joke gadgets George had made up in the past year.

Going back to his room, Harry grabbed several sheets of parchment, his quill and ink and took them out to the table where he sat and began to write to his friends. He apologized to them and told them a little about what he had been feeling and why. He told them of his feelings on that disastrous last day of term and let them know he would make it up to them when they got back. To Ginny he wrote of his love and wish that the relationship they had built would continue on and that he needed her in his life.

Taking the letters with him, he made his way up to Gryffindor tower to get the packages out of his trunk. Attaching the letters to the packages, he put on a warm cloak and made his way through the blowing snow up to the owlery, where he found Hedwig snuggled up to a large brown male, her eyes closed in sleep. Chirruping to her quietly, he smiled as she opened her eyes and with a soft hoot, fluttered down onto his outstretched arm. Whistling, Harry also called down the male brown who gave a louder hoot as he too fluttered down to sit on the perch just in front of Harry. Harry handed Hedwig a bit of the toast from his breakfast, knowing it was her favorite and handed a piece of dried meat the brown who took it gently from Harry's fingers.

"I'm sorry you two but I need you to deliver a few packages for me. I know flying in this weather is nasty but I need to get these packages to Ron, Ginny and Hermione. Everyone is at the Weasley's so you only need to go to Ron's house. Hedwig, I want you to stay there until the weather breaks so I won't worry about you OK?" he said, as he stroked her gently, getting a soft hoot and a slight nibble on his finger. Tying the larger of the three packages to the brown's leg and tying the smaller two packages to Hedwig's leg, he carried them to the open window and watched as they flew away, side by side, in the blowing snow. Harry turned and made his way back Snape's warm quarters.

Reaching the quarters without incident, Harry grabbed his homework list and books and sat down to work. A few hours later, having finished the first of several Transfiguration essays, Harry ordered a small lunch from Stiry and after eating, grabbed up the potions list and made his way into the lab. He walked in to find Severus set up with no less than three cauldrons, stirring them in turn while consulting the book that he was holding. He looked up when he heard the door open.

"Harry, need something?" he asked.

Holding up the list, Harry explained.

"You said I could come in and brew some of these potions. "

Severus gestured to the table opposite the steaming cauldrons. "You can set up there and get started. You should find all of the ingredients in the student cupboard but if there is something missing, let me know. I'll be here if you need me."

Four hours later, Harry had completed two of the required potions and had finished the base for the third. Snape, true to his word, had helped Harry with a few instructions Harry had not understood and the potions came out perfectly. In giving that help, Harry had also gained a better understanding as to how some of the ingredients worked with others and for once, had enjoyed the brewing; he was almost eager to try more.

After cleaning up, Harry grabbed his cloak intent on going outside to get some fresh air despite the chill and snow that was still falling. Outside, the air was cold but the winds had died down. The gray clouds continued to hover as the snow gently fell on the quiet and expansive grounds of the castle. The sun was setting and Harry decided against a walk, knowing just how dark it could get, deciding to play it safe, for once, and just sat down on the front stoop. As he wrapped his arms around his legs, he just stared out into the darkening landscape, remembering the time he had spent with Hermione during those final days, their trip to the cemetery to locate his parents' graves and the air of desperation that had surrounded them. That was over now and everyone was that had survived was safe. Harry realized he should be happy and content but the never ending guilt, though slightly in the background now, simply would not let him rest.

Harry was so lost in thought that he was unaware of the time passing and started a bit when the door behind him opened. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Snape standing in the doorway, the light from the entry hall spilling out from behind him and out onto the stoop where Harry was sitting. Harry could see that Snape was already dressed for dinner, the deep green of his Potions Master robe set off the crisp white shirt, black pants and tall black boots that completed the ensemble. The two edges of the robe were connected by a thick, rolled gold chain, setting off the gold cauldron and wand emblem resting just below Snape's right shoulder, the emblem that denoted Snape's rank as a Potions Master.

"It is 30 minutes before dinner. I would suggest you come in and get ready," Severus said firmly.

Harry nodded in answer as he stood up and made his way shakily inside, his legs numb from the cold. As Harry passed him, Severus laid his hand on Harry's shoulder causing him to stop and look up.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked him, removing his hand.

Not knowing if Snape were asking if he was alright due to the cold or alright emotionally, Harry muttered a non-committal "fine" as he continued on his way.

'No you aren't' Severus thought to himself, 'but with time, you will be.'

Back in Snape's quarters, Harry got out of his everyday school robes and changed into dress robes before combing his hair down into some semblance of order. Despite seven years of fussing with his hair, it still did what it wanted and short of cutting it almost ridiculously short, Harry decided there wasn't much he could do about it. Putting the comb back down, Harry made his way up to the Great Hall.

As had happened every year since Harry had started at Hogwarts, the Great Hall was lavishly decorated. No less than a dozen large pine trees decked out in red, blue, silver and gold decorations lined the sides and front of the Great Hall. Holly and pine bough streamers were draped across the front of the staff table and large candles were burning around the room. One table had been set up at the front of the Hall and was set for what Harry presumed were those staff and students remaining for the holidays. Harry could see Professor Dumbledore, Snape and Professor McGonagall chatting amicably while Professors Flitwick and Sprout were overseeing a mock duel between two smiling first years, giving tips every now and again. Several students that Harry had seen but didn't really know were mingling with each other, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of sitting so closely with their teachers for a meal.

As Harry approached, Professor Dumbledore reached out his hand.

"Harry my boy, so glad you made it. Severus has been telling us of your efforts the past few days."

Flushing slightly, Harry noticed the other students looking at him curiously.

"It's getting there Professor," Harry said quietly, returning his attention to the headmaster. "I should be through in plenty of time."

"Wonderful, wonderful," Dumbledore boomed. "On that note, shall we all take our seats and get started on what promises to be a scrumptious feast? The house elves have truly outdone themselves this year."

As soon as everyone had taken their seats, the table became laden with several dishes. Turkey with all the trimmings, beef roast and potatoes were there along with numerous types of salads and vegetables. Two platters contained various types of warm rolls, their scent rising to tantalize the people sitting at the table. Large frosty pitchers of water, pumpkin juice and milk were liberally interspersed amongst the many platters. Holiday crackers, wrapped in various brightly colored papers, dotted the table, just begging to be opened to spread their contents. Always ready, Dumbledore was the first to snatch one of the crackers and managed, somehow, to get a scowling Snape to pull the other end. Harry almost lost the pumpkin juice had had just sipped from his glass when the smoke cleared and he could see that Snape had gotten deluged with multiple colors of confetti, the bright colors covering Snape's hair and robe. Laughing joyously, Dumbledore took out his wand and cleaned Snape up, but unknowing to Snape, left quite a bit of the confetti on the top of Snape's head. Dumbledore glanced mischieviously at the two first years, winking at them and watching as they almost choked trying to keep back their laughter; even Snape's trademark scowl directed at them couldn't quell their mirth.

Severus observed Harry for the entire meal. Harry barely ate, picking at his plate and being just social enough to avoid raising suspicion, but, Severus could see Harry wasn't happy. The smiles were forced and no one seemed to truly notice that Harry never initiated a conversation, but spoke only when directly asked something. The two first years, Riell and Somers Severus recalled, had gotten Harry to pull open two crackers but could see his heart wasn't really into the game despite the enthusiasm of the two small boys.

Glancing at Minerva towards the end of the meal a couple of hours later, Severus could see her watching Harry as well, a slight frown of worry on her face. Severus knew how much Harry meant to Minerva and against his normal character, he patted her hand under the table. Minerva looked up and at the long look from Severus, she understood. Harry was in Severus' care for the moment and he would keep him safe and help him through this latest torment. Minerva nodded at Severus to let him know the message had been received, and she watched as Severus rose from the table and nodded respectfully to Dumbledore and the other staff members before taking his leave, preferring not to partake in the lavish deserts that had appeared.

Severus was sitting in his armchair in front of the fire, perusing a journal and finishing his ever present coffee when Harry walked in. He laid down the journal and looked at Harry, noting that no emotion was displayed on Harry's face; no happiness, sadness, anger, nothing; just a blank, almost dead look. As Harry made his way across the room, heading for what Severus presumed was his room, Severus stood up and stopped Harry with a hand on his shoulder and turned him so he was facing Severus. When Harry didn't look up or even question, Severus gently tipped his chin up and finally, green eyes met black. Severus hesitated only a moment before wrapping his arms around Harry. Expecting resistance, Severus was further surprised when Harry leaned into the embrace, resting his head on Severus' shoulder and wrapping his arms around Severus' waist. Severus rubbed Harry's back.

"Things are going to work out," he told Harry quietly. "There is no reason to walk around thinking the world is going to end. Your friends will come around and knowing them as I do," here Severus smirked a little as he heard Harry give a small chuckle, "they will be pouncing on you the moment they lay eyes on you on the first night back. In the meantime, do your work, relax a little when you can and stop worrying so much. I'm here if you need to talk."

Harry just nodded and pulled back, releasing his hold; Severus let him go.

"Goodnight professor," was all he said.

Severus nodded in acknowledgement and watched Harry go to the room he had been given.

Walking over to a small writing desk, Severus opened a drawer and took out Lily's picture. A regular muggle style photo, the green eyes of the smiling and carefree woman Severus loved so much was forever captured.

"Your boy is hurting Lils and I am not sure I can help him, but, I will do what I can, I promise," Severus whispered to her, running his finger down the side of the still face before gently placing the picture back in the drawer and closing it quietly.

Walking back to his chair, Severus picked up the journal to resume his reading but then, he lay the journal down and stared pensively into the fire, lost in thought.


	6. Poor Choices

Author's Note: There always seem to be stories these days of people going out on their 21st birthday, only to get into trouble and never make it to their 22nd due to an overabundance of alcohol from well meaning friends due to their "coming of age." We know from hints within the latter books of Mrs Rowling that Severus had issues with a father who drank too much. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that Severus would be less than happy with anyone who drank themselves into insensibility. All new "drinkers" have a problem until they have time to understand the effects of alcohol based on amount vs time vs tolerance. We also know that emotions and events can have an effect on judgment when it relates to drinking alcohol. This particular chapter is dedicated to a very close friend of mine who lost his life a few years ago, through no fault of his own, due to a 21 year old drunk driver who made the decision to get behind the wheel after getting blitzed on his 21st birthday. Two lives were lost that night. My friend's forever, and the 21 year old that has to live with the fact that he took the life of another human, regardless of the prison term that he is now serving. His remorse was and is genuine, but, never will he be able to forget. I also hold responsible those that were with him who were too drunk themselves to take away the keys; they failed their friend on a night when their "friendship" was most needed. For those readers reaching that all important age, please take to heart what can happen when you are consuming alcohol. Your life, and the life of others, could well depend on your good judgment. Taking a human life is forever; there is no turning back time to rectify that action.

In memory of you, Collin Michael James McLaren. You are sorely missed.

Chapter 6: Poor Choices

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

Harry was in Heaven. While it was still cold, the air temperature had risen with the lessening wind and for the first time in almost a week, Harry could fly. He had managed to make a good dent in his homework and Severus, in a rare moment of insanity, had given Harry an extra half hour on his morning break so he could do some flying and maybe get rid of the increasing restlessness he had been feeling ever since Christmas Day. The cool air was doing a good job at clearing Harry's mind and he let his thoughts wander as he flew. Unfortunately, his thoughts wandered a little too much and he gasped when he looked down at his watch, realizing he was a good twenty minutes over schedule; Snape was going to kill him. Quickly turning and making his way back to the castle, he was dismayed when he reached Snape's quarters, a full 40 minutes late. Hoping that Snape was at a meeting or anywhere else other than his quarters, Harry crossed his fingers and opened the door quietly, then swore under his breath. His luck was apparently holding; Snape was sitting at his desk in his quarters and he looked pointedly at the clock as Harry walked in. Harry tried to do some damage control when Snape just looked at him.

"er, sorry Professor; lost track of time," Harry said sheepishly, as he closed the door quietly and made his way into the room.

Leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, Severus calmly replied:

"No problem Mr Potter. You can make up the 40 minutes you are late during your normal afternoon break, since you won't be having one. I suggest you get changed and get started on today's assignments."

"y S'r" Harry mumbled, mentally calling Severus every name in the book. The good feeling Harry had gotten while flying had disappeared the moment Snape had issued his decree. Why the man was so damned unbending was beyond Harry, but, sighing, Harry hadn't really expected less. One thing about Snape was his consistency. Screw up and Snape knew it and dealt with it immediately. Nope, no waiting involved when dealing with Snape.

Severus watched as Harry walked out of sight down the short hallway. Harry had done well over the weekend, completing all but two of the potions he was required to brew and all but one potions essay. Looking at the list of the remaining assignments, Harry would have no problem finishing the rest prior to the end of the break and maybe even have a free day at the end to relax and get ready for the next term. In truth, this was one of the reasons Severus had given Harry the extra half hour of break time this morning. The fact that Harry had taken advantage of that reward and came back late irritated Severus but only to the point of revoking Harry's free period that afternoon. He had seen the restlessness growing and had decided a little extra flying time wouldn't go amiss and would hopefully allow Harry to make the final push through the rest of the assignments.

While Severus was mulling things over in the other room, Harry, meanwhile, had gooten changed and chose to take out his frustration by kicking the bedframe. 'Honestly,' he thought, 'all that work this weekend, ahead of schedule by HIS schedule and he gets all pissy about 40 lousy minutes. He expects me to work straight through the afternoon without a break even though if I wanted, I could skip another full day and still get done in time.' Harry continued to lambaste Snape in his thoughts as he grabbed his Charms and Transfiguration books, deliberately ignoring the Potions book, and making his way back to the main room where he knew Snape was waiting. Attitude growing, Harry dropped his books on the table and dropped heavily into the chair, grumbling a bit as he glanced at the assignment list and yanked his Transfiguration book towards him, opening it and flipping the pages with force until he found the correct page and started reading, completely ignoring Snape's presence.

Suddenly, Harry felt Snape's presence behind him and startled a bit as Severus leaned down close to his ear. Harry held his breath as Severus spoke.

"Unless you want another conversation with my ruler," Severus said silkily, "I would advise you to change. your. attitude."

Flushing, Harry remained perfectly still, not taking a breath until Severus stood up and walked away.

_Later that evening_

Harry took off his glasses, dropping them angrily on the table. Running a hand through his hair then down his face, he picked his glasses back up, putting them on and turning his attention back to the books in front of him. Dinner had finished almost an hour ago and Harry was ready to climb the walls. True to his dictate, Severus had refused Harry his afternoon break which just proved to further light the fuse to Harry's temper. Additionally, when Harry had approached Severus about possibly taking a quick trip into Hogsmeade in the next day or so, Severus had flatly refused to give his permission. "You have yet to complete all the assignments. Once those are fully completed, only then may you take a trip into Hogsmeade," he had said. "You agreed to the schedule and to follow the rules I set out. You are allowed one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon to take a break which will not give you enough time to go into Hogsmeade." Harry had tried to get him to understand that he needed to get away completely for a few hours but Snape hadn't budged.

Now, stuck in Snape's quarters, Harry was ready to spit nails. Even Snape wasn't around, having been called to a staff meeting. When Snape had left, he indicated he probably wouldn't be back before curfew and for Harry to continue working and be mindful of the hour. Snape fully expected for Harry to be in bed on time.

Another hour passed and Harry threw his quill down in frustration. He had written the same paragraph three times and still couldn't get it to come out right. 'Screw this," he thought. 'I'll pick it up in the morning.' Gathering up his books, he took them down to the room he was occupying and set everything down at the desk. Going over to the dresser, he took out his pajamas, intent on getting ready for bed and maybe just reading until lights out, when he spotted a sweatshirt in the drawer. Glancing at the clock and worrying his lip a little, he made up his mind. The Three Broomsticks was open until midnight. If he left now, he could easily get into Hogsmeade, have a butterbeer and make it back before Severus even realized he was gone.

Quickly changing, Harry arranged a few pillows under the blankets to make it look like he was in bed. He made his way up to his dorm in the Gryffindor tower and retrieved his invisibility cloak out of his trunk along with the Marauders map. Putting on the cloak and tucking the map inside the pocket of his jacket, Harry made his way to the front doors of the castle. Opening the doors, he stepped out into the cool night air. The skies were still clear, lighting Harry's way as he made his way quickly into the village. he reached the Broomsticks in record time, ever mindful that he only had a couple of hours before Snape would probably return to his quarters. Harry wasn't stupid. He knew full well Snape would all but kill him if he got caught.

Removing his cloak and putting it inside his jacket, Harry walked into the Broomsticks. he realized as he crossed the threshold that this was the first time he was inside the place after becoming a wizarding adult. Harry took in his surroundings, seeing a couple of aurors seated in one corner, and a witch and wizard sitting together and holding a low conversation at another table; otherwise, the place was deserted. Feeling even more adventurous, Harry went to the bar. Madam Rosmerta seemed to be taking the night off as Harry didn't recognize the man at the bar, but he went up anyway and ordered a glass of fire-whiskey. Ready to prove his age, the man at the bar didn't even question Harry, setting a small glass of the amber liquid in front of him and grunting when Harry tossed down the required cost, adding in a couple of sickles for a tip. Taking the glass, Harry made his way over to the table closest to the fire, not realizing he had been noticed by the two aurors. Sitting down, he took a large sip of the whiskey, nearly choking at the first strong taste. Once he finished coughing, he was careful to take smaller sips, beginning to enjoy the warmth as it slid into his belly.

All too soon, his first glass was finished and deciding he still had time, he ordered another glass. 'Last one and then I need to get back,' he thought.

Unfortunately, as drinks go, Harry was feeling very pleasant by the end of the second glass. His temper had cooled and he was feeling as though nothing could go wrong. 'No wonder adults like this stuff,' Harry thought a little fuzzily. Looking at the clock again, Harry was trying to remember why the time of 9 pm was so important. It seemed too early for someone who was 17 years old. Standing up intent on getting another glass of this fine whiskey, Harry staggered a little as a wave of dizziness hit him. Holding onto the table for a moment, Harry made his way up to the bar, ordering a third glass of the whiskey. Harry met the eyes of the man serving the bar, who, apparently satisfied with Harry's condition, poured the required amount but saying "this is your last glass kid. You ain't a use to drinkin' this stuff you could end up doing somethin' ya' shouldn'.

Rolling his eyes, Harry made his way back to the table he had been occupying. He caught the aurors in his peripheral vision and for some reason, felt, angry. Scrunching his forehead in thought, Harry tried to figure out why he felt angry towards two people he had never met. Aurors, aurors, what was it about aurors? Mad-eye had been an auror but neither of those two were Mad-eye, of course they weren't, Mad-eye was dead. His mom and dad had been aurors and Harry was pretty sure neither of those two were his mother or father, here Harry giggled a little. If one of those were his mother, she needed to grow her hair out again. No, he didn't think either of them were his parents. 'Wait," Harry thought, 'could these be the ones that killed his parents? No, someone else had killed Harry's parents but shouldn't the surors have protected them? Wasn't that what aurors were supposed to do? Protect wizards and witches form harm? Keep the bad people away from the good people? Why hadn't they protected everyone that night when Voldermort was finally defeated by a bunch of people who weren't aurors and many of which were still students? Stupid aurors,' Harry thought as he continued to sip his drink, his mind going even more bleary. 'Dumb aurors couldn't protect a mouse let alone anyone else. What the hell are they sitting here for anyway?'

The longer Harry sat, sipping the third glass of whiskey and the longer the disjointed thoughts ran through Harry's whiskey diminished brain, the more Harry got mad. 'Damned aurors should have saved everyone. Gonna' find out why they didn't.'

Finishing the last swallow of his whiskey, Harry lurched to his feet, nearly falling to the floor. Taking out his wand, he managed to weave his way over to the table where the two aurors were seated. Before Harry could remember how to formulate actual words, the younger of the two aurors looked up, smiled, and tapped his older companion on the arm to gain his attention.

"Mr Potter," the older auror greeted. "Can we help you?"

"Yea," Harry said, absently brandishing his wand "you can tell me why?"

"Why what Mr Potter," the older auror answered sharply "and put your wand away."

"Na-not til you te-tell me why," Harry said, his words slurring.

Both aurors drew their wands, not bothering to hide the fact. Harry tried to figure out why that might be important.

"Te-Tell m-me!" Harry demanded, raising his wand again.

"Mr Potter you are obviously inebriated but if you do not put your wand down immediately, we will arrest you," the older auror said sternly. Silently, the younger auror moved behind Harry.

Harry swayed on his feet but caught himself. "Ya-you can-can't tell me why ca-kin you, dumb or-aurors," Harry, unable to completely manage his wand, managed to attack the older auror muggle style. While his movements were slowed, being attacked in such a crude manner surprised the older auror who was caught off balance and stumbled slightly before quickly regaining his balance. The younger auror moved in behind Harry to restrain him, but Harry, having fought off Dudley for so many years, turned and pushed with both hands on the auror's chest, his strength enough that he succeeded in pushing the auror away. The younger auror tripped over a chair leg and fell, hitting his head on the edge of another table with a sickening crack. Suddenly, a red light overcame Harry and he felt himself sink to the floor, the older auror catching him with a stupefy. Harry's last conscious view, before he sank into the welcoming dark, was of a very ticked off auror.

* * *

From reviews and thanks soooooooooo much for those reviews. :)

HPBookworm asked about the two week limitation on making up the assignments and as Harry had effectively saved the entire wizarding world, he should be allowed more time. :) I actually took that into consideration. Harry and company were allowed to return for their NEWT year despite the fact they were technically already considered adults by age. In order to return, however, they were required to sign consent forms that effectively made them official students, under the authority of the staff at Hogwarts, requiring them to follow the same rules and regulations set out for any student. As was indicated in Chapter 4 (Thursday), Harry's failing grades at the end of the term would have meant automatic dismissal from those particular classes, classes he needed to continue with his dreams of becoming an auror. Severus was able to gain Harry those two weeks of time to complete those missing assignments only because of Harry's actions on behalf of the wizarding world.


	7. Family Time

Author's Note: I appreciate the reviews :) As with many others, I think the reviews are what keep the interest to keep updating the stories. I believe all but one review for this past chapter was positive and full of anticipation for the obvious upcoming confrontation between Harry and Severus. There was concern in one review that I lost the essence of Harry's character in the last chapter so allow me to clarify for a moment. I agree that under normal circumstances, Harry would not have acted the way he did, however, the chapter was designed to show what COULD happen when someone depressed, upset and angry could run into judgment issues when drinking alcohol. Since the last chapter was Harry's first foray into drinking something stronger then Butterbeer, and since once he got past the first strong hit he started feeling "better," it would not be outside the possibility that he would become unaware that he was losing control of his normal tendencies. The anger he was feeling was also now being transferred to the people that Harry knew were supposed to protect the wizarding world which would not be unusual. I promise I am not going to turn Harry into a raging alcoholic :)

Chapter 7: Family Time

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

"Harry....come on kiddo, time to wake up."

Harry heard the voice and opened his eyes slightly, trying to figure out where he was and who was talking to him. A blurry form took shape and Harry gasped. Sitting up, he launched himself into Sirius' arms nearly knocking him over, clinging to him in near desperation and starting to cry.

"Hey kiddo," Sirius soothed as he gently rubbed Harry's back, "what is it?"

Harry just shook his head.

"Come on Harry, talk to me or I am going to feel insulted that as soon as you see me you burst into tears," Sirius said jokingly.

"Of course he burst into tears you mangy mutt," came another voice. "Who wouldn't, looking at your ugly mug."

Harry pulled back slightly and glanced over his shoulder, and gasped again.

"D-dad?" he questioned, his voice shaking, more tears making their way down his pale cheeks. Sirius released him and gave him a gentle push towards James.

Taking Harry into his arms, James gently kissed the dark mop of hair now laying against his chest. "That's me son," James said gently, holding Harry close, rocking him slightly as Harry's tears continued.

A few minutes went by before Harry calmed, James just holding him and riding out the storm. When Harry pulled back and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, James chuckled. "You know that drives old Snape nuts," James said, running his hand through Harry's already messed hair.

"James," came a woman's voice from behind Harry, "will you please refer to him as Severus?"

Harry turned. "Mum?"

Lily put her hands on his shoulders, looking him over for a moment before pulling him into her arms as only a mother could. "Hi sweetheart," she said softly kissing the mussed hair. "You've gotten yourself into quite a bit of trouble haven't you?" she questioned wryly.

"Erm, trouble?" Harry said, stepping back as Lily released him. Harry faced his parents and noticed that Sirius had a grin on his face.

"Yes trouble young man," James chimed in. "While I wouldn't normally have anything against anyone trying to drive Sn- er Severus nuts," James corrected himself at Lily's scowl, "you managed to go the extra length," James finished, trying, but failing, to sound stern. You deliberately disobeyed Sna-er, Severus' orders, got drunk out of your head the first time you had a drink and started a fight with two aurors." Suddenly James smiled and gave Harry a friendly punch on his upper arm. "You would have done the marauders proud," James finished.

"James!" Lily exclaimed, which had both Harry and James flushing bright red and caused a burst of laughter from Sirius. "Aw Lils, he's right," Sirius laughed, dodging a shove from Lily.

"I side with Lily," came another voice, causing all three to turn as one. "Remus," Harry breathed. Harry took three hesitant steps towards Remus, whose hand was being held by Tonks. Remus dropped Tonks' hand and opened his arms in invitation. Harry took two more steps and found himself wrapped in Remus' arms. Shaking and trying to hold back renewed tears, Harry wrapped his arms around Remus, holding tight as he rested his head on Remus' shoulder. Remus brought his hand up to gently massage Harry's neck while the other rubbed Harry's back as Harry lost his battle with his tears and started crying, apologizing over and over again.

"I'm sorry Remus, I-I'm sorry!"

Remus glanced up to see James holding Lily in a light embrace, tears sliding down her face as she observed her son.

Turning his attention back to Harry, Remus soothed.

"Shhhh Harry, there is nothing to apologize for, it's OK."

Tonks raised her hand and laid it alongside the hand Remus was using to rub Harry's back. At her touch Harry looked up, the tears sliding down his cheeks. "T-Tonks?" Harry stuttered. "Wotcha' Harry," Tonks replied softly, smiling and bringing her hand up to gently wipe away Harry's tears.

A few more moments and Harry was able to get himself under control, enough to start asking questions.

"How are all of you here? What is this place? Is Fred around; is he OK?"

"We can't really tell you that sweetheart," Lily said gently. "It is another state similar to the one you came to just before the final battle. Your emotions and, well, state of health, allowed us to call you here so we could talk. It's easier for us to bring you here than for us to appear in the physical world. Fred is fine. He's probably off somewhere causing all sorts of grief. He's turned this place upside down a few times with his shenanigans."

"So I am actually...here?" Harry questioned.

"Well, not physically, no. Your subconscious mind is acting as a conduit for us to access. Your physical self is asleep in Hogsmeade, specifically," and here Lily's voice got stern, "in the holding cell at the auror's Hogsmeade office."

Harry flushed again and dropped his chin, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the ground.

"Harry," James said, "your emotions, your anger and frustration, are going to get you into more trouble unless you get a handle on things. Severus is correct," here James grimaced as though admitting that caused him great pain, "in that you are not to blame for what happened that final night. There were over 100 people involved in that fight. The entire auror office wouldn't have been able to protect everyone."

Harry's eyes teared up again.

"But Remus, and Tonks," Harry began only to be interrupted by Remus.

"Harry, James is right. There is no way you could have protected everyone. We all knew what we were getting into and we all knew what could happen. You were no more responsible for the deaths of those fighting than anyone else who survived. You need to let this go and move on," Remus finished gently, reaching up and brushing the tears off Harry's cheek.

"How?" Harry questioned shakily, "h-how? Every time I see Teddy, or the Weasley's or other family members of those who are no longer alive, I can't get rid of the feeling that I should have done more!"

"Harry!," James said sternly. "Look at me."

Turning around, Harry looked at James, sheer misery coming off him in waves.

Pulling Harry into his arms, James voice softened as he stroked Harry's hair rocking him as Harry started to cry again.

"You did more than anyone ever could have expected. You got rid of Voldermort once and for all. The people that died, as they came here that night, all were watching and hoping you would win. They were happy when you defeated Voldemort. They do not blame you for their deaths; you shouldn't blame yourself."

James continued to console Harry, allowing himself to comfort his son as he had always wanted to do, but was unable. Lily wrapped her arms around both Harry and James, holding them close to her heart. Tonks was standing between Sirius and Remus, holding hands with Sirius and leaning her head on Remus' shoulder; Remus had his arm wrapped around Tonks' shoulder. They watched, not a dry eye among them, as the Potter family finally became one. James and Lily were talking softly to Harry; Remus could see Harry's head moving in response to their words.

After a few long moments, Lily reluctantly let go and stepped back. James gave Harry one last kiss and then he too stepped back.

"We can't stay any longer," Lily said sadly, looking at Harry "we've pushed the time longer than we should have as it is. Harry, trust Severus, talk to him. Above anyone else, he knows what you are feeling and going through. He can help; you just have to give him the chance."

"You realize we won't be separated long right?" Harry said, drying his tears. "He's going to murder me."

James chuckled. "I doubt it Harry," James sobered a bit. "I won't deny the fact that he is going to be less than happy with you but you need not fear him. I can also tell you that the hangover you are going to have is going to be a doozy. Next time, stay away from the fire whiskey."

"There had better never BE a next time," Lily said, her voice stern again.

"Mum, "Harry turned to Lily, a pleading look in his eyes. "Couldn't you know, talk to him or something and tell him not to kill me; to let me off or at least go easy on me? Maybe limit things to lines or detention or something?"

"Not on your life buster," Lily returned, trying to keep the smile off her face and failing miserably. "You've earned this lesson fair and square and I daresay it will be no worse than what we would have done. If you ever do anything like this again though, I'll talk to Severus all right but it won't be to get him to go easy on you. I'll have him hunt you down even if you are 150."

Harry sighed, "worth a try."

At this James, Lily, Sirius, Remus and Tonks all laughed. Sirius ruffled Harry's hair again.

Lily's smile faded as she put her hand to Harry's cheek. "We are so proud of you sweetheart. Never forget that we love you and we are watching. You can talk to us anytime and even though you may not know it, we are there," she finished, giving Harry one last hug.

Harry suddenly felt exhausted. "Mum?" he questioned.

"It's Ok sweetheart," she said, as Harry sank to the ground. "Close your eyes and sleep."

The last thing Harry remembered was a bright light and then everything went dark.


	8. Paying the Piper

Author's notes: From the reviews I received after posting Chapter 7, I have to say most of you are a blood thirsty lot :) in anticipating poor Harry's demise at the hands of Severus. This was probably the hardest chapter to write; it certainly was the longest I have ever written. I apologize in advance for any typos. I think I caught them all but I admit my eyes are crossing from reading it through so many times :)

**Content Warning: spanking in chapter**

Chapter 8: Paying the Piper

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

_Auror Office: Hogsmeade_

"Mr Potter…time to wake up." Harry heard the voice and made the effort to open his eyes, quickly closing them again as the bright lights overhead knifed into his aching brain.

"Rise and shine," the irritating voice said cheerfully. "Your escort has arrived."

Harry opened his eyes more slowly this time, squinting in the bright light. Very slowly, he turned his head to look at the blurry form causing the ache in his head to intensify; he closed his eyes again.

"Your glasses are on the table over by the sink there," the voice offered helpfully. "I'll be back in about 10 minutes."

Harry stayed where he was, slowly remembering the results of the night before. Gathering his courage, he opened his eyes again and made to put his feet on the floor. Very slowly, he made to stand, groaning a bit as he managed to get upright. The room swam and his stomach rolled. Swallowing hard, Harry managed to stumble towards the sink. Turning on the water, he waited for it to get cold and was disappointed to find that the water remained tepid. Cupping the water in his hands, he splashed it over his face, feeling marginally more human. He cupped some more water and drank, relieving the parched feeling in his mouth. Unfortunately, the relief was short lived as his protesting stomach revolted. Harry barely made it to the small commode before emptying his stomach. Almost in tears at the increased ache in his head, Harry stayed on his knees for a moment, wishing with all his being that someone would be merciful and just kill him now.

Harry didn't know just how long he knelt there but it must have been a little while as the disgustingly cheerful voice came back.

"Not feeling so hot I take it," the voice said unhelpfully. "Come on. Professor Snape is waiting for you."

Harry got to his feet only on sheer willpower and with the help of pulling on the porcelain sink. Squinting at the table, Harry managed to find his glasses and put them in place. Turning around, the previously blurry form that belonged to that cheerful voice came into marginal focus; it was the younger of the two aurors from the previous evening.

Walking towards where he stood, Harry stopped about two steps away, not sure what to say. The auror wasn't helpful, simply holding the door open and motioning Harry through. Walking out of the small room, Harry stopped in the corridor, waiting for the auror to indicate a direction. Taking a moment, Harry leaned against the wall, trying to find support for his exhausted and aching body.

"This way," the auror indicated, taking a corridor to the left, at the end of which was another door painted in a light green. For some reason, the color caused Harry's stomach to roll again and he swallowed hard, fighting back the nausea. The short walk seemed to take forever and Harry had a feeling that when he got through that door, his life was over.

Opening the door and ushering Harry through, the auror followed closely behind. Harry winced again as the morning sunlight poured into the room only to have his attention diverted as a tall, black shape moved into his peripheral vision. Turning his whole body slightly to avoid turning his head, Harry swallowed hard, again, as the form turned out to be Professor Snape; a very upset Professor Snape if the scowl on his face and the damning silence was anything to go by. Harry had been under that particular look before and it didn't bode well. Still without a word, Severus grabbed Harry's sleeve and pulled him towards the desk Harry only just now noticed. The two aurors from the previous evening were standing behind the desk, the auror who had escorted Harry into the room standing slightly behind and to the right of the other stern looking auror who spoke as Harry was unceremoniously thrust in front of the desk by Severus.

Harry had to force himself to focus on what the auror was saying.

"Mr Potter," the auror began. "I am Auror Simon Preston, and this is Auror Michael James. Personally, I don't even know where to start. You have pending charges against you for assaulting two aurors, causing injury to one as well as causing damage to a business establishment in the estimated amount of 300 galleons due to your ill-aimed spellcasting. Madame Rosmerta was very unhappy to say the least but has declined to press charges, though, I think you will find that your presence in her establishment will not be well received in the future," Auror Preston said sternly; Harry dropped his gaze to the floor only to feel a hand on the back of his neck and Severus' stern voice, "eyes up."

As Harry's gaze made it back to the face of Auror Preston, the older auror studied Harry's face for a moment. What he saw was a young man who was not gloating over his actions and was in fact, looking highly embarrassed and upset. Had it been any other wizard except Harry Potter, Preston might have been more willing to allow the charges to stick for a time before letting the miscreant off the hook, however, knowing Professor Snape as he did, Preston had a feeling the punishment he could meet out would be nothing compared to what Professor Snape had in mind. He and James had spoken in length that morning, after James had been released from St Mungos, and both had decided to let the matter go and let Professor Snape handle things.

"I absolutely do not condone your actions Mr Potter but I, and Auror James, are willing to suspend the charges in light of the fact that you are under Professor Snape's care at the moment. We are confident that any, actions, Professor Snape may take, will be more than adequate to address your indiscretions. I have given Professor Snape a request and he will tell you of it a little later. I would suggest, very strongly, that you take this pending lesson to heart and do not EVER do anything like this again. If you do, the charges from this case will be re-instated and full prosecution, including a permanent record, will be initiated. Do I make myself perfectly clear Mr Potter?"

"Yes Sir," Harry answered miserably, "I'm sorry."

Glancing over at Auror James, Harry repeated his apology. "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

"Forget it kid," Auror James said. "I have a hard head."

The silence went on for a minute until Severus spoke.

"If you two are through with Mr Potter, I believe he and I have some things to talk about."

"He's all yours Severus," Auror Preston said.

Aurors Preston and James watched as Severus clamped his hand on the back of Harry's neck in the guise of guiding him out the door. As the door closed behind Severus with a decidedly sharp snap, Auror James spoke.

"I don't envy that kid Simon; he won't be sitting comfortably for a long while after the professor gets done with him, and he is going to become very familiar with the walls of his dorm."

"How do you know that?" Preston asked curiously.

"Personal experience," James said wryly. "I got caught doing something very similar; although I have to admit I didn't pick a fight with any aurors. Professor Snape made very sure I would think a couple hundred times before repeating my mistake. Harry is in for a sharp lesson."

"If it keeps him from getting himself into any more trouble, it'll be worth it. Come on, you and I have paperwork to complete."

_On the road out of Hogsmeade_

Severus let the silence speak for him as he escorted Harry back up to the castle. He knew full well Harry was feeling the full effects of a vicious hangover but was not ready, yet, to ease those symptoms. No, he wanted Harry to experience every possible painful second.

Harry could FEEL Snape glaring at him. With Snape's hand on the back of his neck, he couldn't slow down the pace at all and it was playing havoc with the headache and nausea that was still plaguing him. He glanced over at Snape ready to ask about his wand and cloak but the look on Snape's face had the words dying in Harry's dry throat. Dropping his gaze again, Harry concentrated on his feet to make sure he didn't fall flat on his face as the pair made their way to the castle.

_Hogwarts_

Severus never released his grip on Harry's neck as they made it to the castle and began the long walk down to the dungeons and Severus' quarters. Harry could only be thankful that the corridors were deserted, the few students remaining for the holiday break absent with other endeavors and curiously, not even a castle ghost was floating around. Still, a delay due to a massive crowd would have been preferable to what was going to happen once they got to Severus' quarters.

Upon entering, Severus finally released Harry; Harry looked at him warily trying to judge what was going to happen.

"Go take a shower, get into your pajamas and then come back out here; you are going to bed as soon as we are done discussing your behavior. It goes against my better judgment to allow it but you are going to be of no use until you have had some normal rest."

"Sir, I---" Harry got out before Severus interrupted him.

"Not now," Severus returned sternly. "Do as I say."

Harry turned away, tears prickling his eyes. His head was aching, he was nauseous and completely exhausted and his fear due to not knowing what was going to happen was causing his emotions to come to the surface. He walked down the corridor, closing his door quietly.

Severus watched as Harry despondently turned away and made his way down the corridor to his room. Despite the look on his face, Severus was not looking forward to meting out yet another sharp lesson to Harry knowing what he did about what Harry had been going through. Still, Severus had nearly panicked when he found Harry gone the night before with no sign of him anywhere. The castle all but empty, no one had seen Harry for hours. When Dumbledore had come down to tell Severus where Harry was and what had happened, his first reaction was relief that Harry was safe until his secondary instinct kicked in and he had nearly stalked down to Hogsmeade to collect Harry and deal with him then and there. Only Dumbledore's idea that a night in the holding cell might be a good lesson for Harry, stopped him. Seeing Harry that morning, looking like death warmed over with his bloodshot eyes and badly wrinkled clothes, had only increased Severus' ire that Harry had placed himself in a possibly dangerous situation….again. Running his hand over his face in an effort to calm his raging thoughts, Severus went to a cabinet and after looking for a moment, pulled out a vial that held a blue liquid. Placing it on the table, he sat down in the chair by the fire and waited for Harry's eventual return. Severus would allow him thirty minutes to gather up his courage but if Harry hadn't come out by then, Severus would go and get him.

Harry stood in the shower, his eyes closed and his head against the wall, letting the warm water wash over him, soothing his aching muscles and helping, a little, in alleviating the pounding ache in his temples. 'Never again,' Harry whispered to himself as he continued to fight off the nausea.

Getting out of the shower and drying off, Harry put on his pajamas, taking a moment to run a comb through his wet hair before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. 'Time for the execution,' he muttered to himself as he opened the door and walked slowly back to the sitting room where he could see Severus waiting.

Before Harry could say anything Severus gestured towards the table and spoke.

"Take the potion first, it'll take care of that headache and the nausea, and then drink that glass of orange juice. You need the liquid and the vitamins in the juice will help your system recover more quickly. I would have ordered breakfast for you but I doubt your stomach would be able to handle it yet."

Harry looked at Severus in surprise and Severus read the look. "I am not doing this out of the kindness of my heart so much as I want your complete attention while we discuss things. I don't want your attention divided between our discussion and your physical state of health."

'Git,' Harry thought to himself as he downed the potion, his stomach nearly coming up again at the revolting taste; Harry caught Severus' smirk out of the corner of his eye. Still, Harry had to admit, the potion did wonders. His nausea all but vanished, Harry put down the remaining nausea to nerves, and his headache was gone. He was still exhausted but had a feeling that would be cured by sleep. Picking up the orange juice, Harry nursed it as long as he could but of course, Severus knew full well what he was doing.

"Bring the glass and sit down," Severus ordered, gesturing to the couch in front of him.

Harry sat down, clutching at the glass as though it were a lifeline, trying to look anywhere but at Snape; Snape immediately took that option away.

"Look at me Harry," he said, his voice harsh.

When Harry looked up, Severus ordered.

"I want you to explain to me just WHAT you were thinking last night. Of all the hair brained stunts you have pulled, this one has to be one of the worst. No sooner do I deny you permission to go into Hogsmeade for, how did you put it, a few hours to yourself just to relax, you willfully disobey, arrange a deception in the hopes that what, I wouldn 't notice you were gone," he said sarcastically, "and leave the castle with no word to anyone as to where you might be going. You top that off by drinking yourself into oblivion and then picking a fight with not one, but TWO trained aurors, either one of which could have done much more justifiable damage than just using a stupefy. Auror James was injured severely enough that he had to spend the night at St Mungos. I was told that had he hit his head any harder, he may not have recovered," Severus finished sternly. "Well, I'm waiting," Severus barked at Harry's ongoing silence.

Harry leaned forward and placed his half full glass on the table, not trusting himself to keep from dropping it. He straightened up and started.

"I didn't leave here specifically with the intent of drinking too much. I was angry at you for not allowing me to go into Hogsmeade when I was well ahead of schedule. I didn't see that asking for a few hours to myself was such a big deal. I meant to be back before you got out of your staff meeting; I had only intended to go in to the village for an hour or two, nothing else," here Harry stopped.

"Go on," Severus encouraged.

"I-I realized when I went into the Sticks that I was of age for the first time, so," here Harry swallowed hard looking at Severus, "I decided that instead of the usual butterbeer that I would try something, er, stronger."

"So you had to choose fire whiskey,..that wasn't too smart," Severus returned. "You chose the most powerful, alcoholic drink of all the ones available for a first time. ANYTHING else would have been a better choice," Severus made a mental note to have a chat with Rosmerta about her night bartender and his serving fire whiskey to a 17 year old.

"I didn't know that, then," Harry emphasized. "In fact, when I took that first taste, which was a little too much, I almost couldn't breathe it was so strong. I took it easy after that and just sipped a little, and after a little bit, I realized I was feeling, well, better, than I had been. I wasn't feeling so angry. I finished the first glass and decided to have one more before heading back. I remember glancing at the clock, it was 9 I think and I didn't think it would be a problem, that I could make it back here."

Severus handed Harry the glass and gestured for him to drink some more of the juice. Grimacing, Harry took a few more swallows; orange juice wasn't his favorite. He held the glass and looked at it in a contemplative silence for a moment.

"Where do the aurors come into this little story?" Severus asked.

Harry finished the juice in the glass, setting the glass on the table before continuing.

"They had been in the Sticks when I walked in. they weren't doing anything, just sitting and talking at one of the tables. I was almost at the bottom of my second glass when I started getting mad again, at the aurors. I kept thinking, where had they been during the fight? Their job in our world is to protect witches and wizards and it was their fault Voldemort was loose. They couldn't manage to catch him in all the time he was, around. I finished the second glass and decided on a third. At the point I don't know what time it was, I just wanted to stop feeling mad again. The bartender looked at me when I asked for the third glass and I thought he was going to deny me. I sort of brushed my hair aside so he could see my scar, and he poured the last glass. He did tell me at that point it was my last."

"He should have stopped you at the second glass," Severus interjected.

Harry shrugged and went on.

"I sat back down at the table and kept sippping. I didn't actually realize I had gotten done again; that third one emptied a lot sooner than the others it seemed. I saw the aurors again and decided to ask them why they weren't around that night. I don't remember much of what happened after that. One of them, Auror Preston I think, told me to put my wand away I think. I got mad when they didn't tell me why they weren't there that night and I just started firing off hexes. I don't think any of them actually connected. At least, I missed Auror Preston."

Severus nodded. "I saw the hits. You took out part of a separating wall and a put some gouges in the bar itself. Rosmerta isn't going to be happy to see you again."

Harry dropped his gaze again, staring at his hands. "I'll pay her for the damages," Harry said softly.

"That might go a long way towards mending things between you and her; what happened next?"

"Not sure really. I want to say that Auror James had managed to circle around behind me. When he went to grab me, I just turned and pushed him away, sort of like what I usually did to Dudley. I guess I caught him by surprise because he fell back. I think that is when Auror Preston hit me with the stupefy."

"Is that the last thing you remember before you woke up in the holding area?" Severus asked.

Harry shook his head. "No, not really."

"Not really?"

"I woke up, sort of, and saw Sirius. Then Mum and Dad showed up, and Remus and Tonks. They all told me the same thing that you have, that what happened that night wasn't my fault, that e-everyone th-that d-died didn't blame m-me," Harry's emotions got the better of him and he started crying.

Severus handed him a handkerchief and waited for him to continue. "I fell back asleep and then I was woken up by Auror James."

"Harry, I realize what you have been going through, I understand the pain and the grief of accepting blame for something you couldn't control. By holding this in for so long and fighting to ignore the fact you were feeling this way, you created the perfect possibility of that anger and pain coming out at the most inopportune time. Did Lily talk to you about this at all?"

Harry glanced up, surprised again. His eyes were still wet but he was composed again. "You believe I saw mum?"

"I had the same experience that night in the Shrieking Shack after I was bitten by Nagini. I had taken the anti-venom but I was, floating, probably somewhere between life and death. Lily came to me, as did your father, though I think it was more Lily's idea he come than his," Severus smirked.

"Mum said I should trust you, talk to you about, well, things. Dad told me I shouldn't fear you. I tried to get mum to talk to you to try and get you to go easy on me, but she said she wouldn't, that I had earned a lesson," Harry blushed in embarrassment.

Severus chuckled a bit. "That's Lily."

Severus sobered. "I really wish I could go easy on you but that would not give you what you need right now. You placed yourself in a dangerous position, again. This time you got lucky. You didn't drink enough to cause any permanent damage other than a pounding head and sick stomach. You got lucky in that you didn't seriously injure Auror James which would have guaranteed time in Azkhaban at your age. You managed to get yourself hexed by a trained auror which very well could have been a much worse hex if the person didn't care about not hurting you. In short, getting drunk and picking a fight is good way to get yourself killed if you pick a fight with the wrong people," he finished, his voice harsh.

Taking a breath to calm his temper, Severus went on. "I want you to understand that you aren't in trouble for drinking, per se. You are of age so the drinking in and of itself is not an issue, with the exception of over indulging. You need to learn what your tolerance is and to stay within that limit. What you ARE in trouble for, however, is willfully disobeying me by placing your poor deception in your bed and going into Hogsmeade after I expressly forbade you to go until after your assignments were completed. You are also in trouble for picking a fight with the aurors due to the fact you had lost any sense of good judgment due to being drunk."

"Yes Sir," Harry whispered.

"First, Auror Preston gave me an assignment for you. He wants a 6-foot essay, due before the start of the next term, on alcohol, its effects and what can happen if you drink too much."

Harry gasped..."s-six FEET!"

"I don't think you know who Auror Preston is so let me enlighten you. Auror Preston is the head of auror training. He is also a voting member of the committee that decides who is accepted for training from all the applications that are submitted. Do you get the implication of all this?"

Harry blanched. "He could keep me from ever becoming an auror."

"Just so," Severus said. "He let me know that, shall we say, youthful indiscretions by themselves were not necessarily a determining factor in denying an applicant. However, add in your attack on the aurors and your lack of judgment in drinking the way you did and you could well be permanently barred from becoming an auror."

Severus paused and let Harry take all that in before he went on.

"We spoke this morning when I came to pick you up. Auror Preston is willing to let this go and not make it a determining factor in your acceptance or non-acceptance into training, provided the essay is completed on time and is acceptable, and that you do not get into any more trouble. I admit your demeanor this morning also went a long way towards showing Auror Preston that this is not normal behavior from you. You apologized, accepted his censure and were polite and respectful."

"Now, as for your punishment from me," 'here it comes,' Harry thought to himself, his stomach knotting.

"You are grounded for the remainder of the break. That means all meals will be taken here and you will remain in your room from after dinner until morning. Once break is done, you are further grounded to your dorm for two weeks. As you know, this means other than meals or classes, you are to remain in your dorm, not the common room, unless you have a specific reason for being out, such as detention. If you need to go tot he library in order to complete homework, you will not leave your dorm without my express permission. Additionally, you have detention with me three nights a week for the duration of your grounding." Severus stopped for a moment, having seen Harry's shoulders slump further with each new edict. "Do you understand this?" Severus asked.

"Yes Sir," Harry answered again, his voice shaking.

"We have one more thing to do. Stand up and bend over the desk," Severus said suddenly. Harry blanched again; he had expected this but it didn't make it any easier to take. Standing up, he made his way over to Severus' desk and leaned over the edge, grasping the opposite side with his fingers and resting his head on the cool top. He turned his head a bit to face Severus as Severus stood up and stepped over to the desk. Without a word, his eyes on Harry the entire time, Severus' hands went to the buckle of the leather belt he wore around his waist. Unbuckling the belt, he slid the leather efficiently through the loops and doubled it up in his hand. Harry's eyes went wide when he realized exactly what was going to happen and he stood up and took a step back, his eyes never leaving the strip of leather swinging gently from Severus' hand.

"S-Sir, pl-please, y-you can't," Harry all but whimpered, tears making their way down his ashen cheeks.

Severus looked at him for a moment before placing the belt on top of the desk. Noticing that Harry's eyes had never left the belt, Severus stepped into his line of vision, blocking the sight of the belt and forcing Harry to focus on him instead. Tipping Harry's chin up, his voice almost gentle, he tried to calm Harry down.

"I know you're scared Harry, I wouldn't expect anything less. I am not using the belt to hurt you but to give you a lesson, a very sharp lesson yes, in order to hopefully make sure you think twice before ever getting yourself into a similar situation. It is going to be OK. Once this is done it is over with and we can move on." Severus used his thumb to brush away the tears on Harry's face. "Back over the desk," Severus said, his voice firm.

Harry just nodded and placed himself back in position. Severus picked the belt back up and took his place slightly to Harry's left.

"H-how many?" Harry asked.

"As many as I think it will take," Severus replied. Patting Harry's shoulder before stepping back, Severus raised his right arm and let the first stroke fall square across the fullest part of Harry's bottom. The belt connected with a resounding crack and Harry tightened his grip on the opposite side of the desk and buried his face in his arms, letting out a hiss of breath but otherwise making no outward sign of his discomfort. Severus hated using his belt. The few times he had done so had been in an attempt to reach the most stubborn of students who needed to let go of some hurt. For some reason, the belt brought out the feeling of fear the most and it would break down the walls hiding even the most deep hurt or anger in a boy. It tended to devastate the recipient emotionally and Severus had never used his belt twice on the same boy; once was all it usually took to have them crying out their fears and hurt, allowing themselves to be comforted.

Severus winced and raised his arm again, aiming slightly lower.

Severus continued on, each stroke as hard as the one previous; never letting up. At stroke 5 Harry cried out slightly, raising himself up on his toes. Severus hesitated a moment, allowing Harry to settle back into position before continuing. At stroke 8, Harry started crying and at stroke 10 he was sobbing. Severus had originally intended to give Harry 17 strokes, one for each year, but he recognized that Harry had reached his limit. Severus was glad now that he hadn't told Harry how many strokes at the start. This way he could quit before giving the entire intended punishment without Harry realizing he had stopped early. Severus laid a final two devastating strokes to Harry's sit spots and stopped.

Severus took a few seconds to put his belt back on before he stepped up to Harry, laying his right hand on the heaving back. Leaning forward, Severus gently patted Harry's tightly clenched fingers with his left hand, encouraging him to let go of the edge of the desk. Holding Harry's hand in his, he encouraged Harry to stand and without hesitation, pulled him into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around the sobbing boy, offering his comfort and protection. Harry was reacting no differently than any of the others. Severus knew from experience that Harry was probably feeling as though a blow torch had been applied to his bottom, as Severus could tell from the way Harry was constantly shifting his weight from side to side in an effort to ease the burning sting.

Severus held him for a long while, rubbing his back and massaging his neck, shifting his position only after Harry had calmed. His arm around Harry's shoulder, Severus maneuvered Harry down the corridor and into his room. With a quick flick of his hand, the covers on Harry's bed turned down and Severus urged Harry to lie down. Harry hissed in pain as his sore backside made contact with the sheets, and quickly rolled onto his side facing Severus. Severus pulled the covers over Harry, bringing them up to just below Harry's shoulders. Pulling the chair out from under the desk, Severus sat down close to the bed, running his hand down Harry's head and brushing the hair away from Harry's forehead. Summoning a damp cloth and a glass of cool water, Severus gently wiped Harry's face free of tears and then set it aside and handed Harry the glass.

"Drink that first and then go to sleep for a while. Your body is still recovering from the effects of the alcohol and you need to rehydrate and rest. If you want, I'll stay here until you fall asleep."

Harry nodded, draining the glass and setting it on the table next to the bed. Putting his hand in Severus', he lay his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. Severus squeezed his hand gently, then sat back, rubbing Harry's shoulders with his free hand. It only took a few minutes for Harry to fall into a deep slumber, his body surrendering to the urgent need for rest. Severus stood up, freeing his hand from Harry's loose grip, and with one last pat to Harry's shoulder, he walked towards the door. He turned for one last check on Harry and gasped at what he saw. Standing next to the bed was Lily. She smiled at Severus before bending down and kissing Harry on the forehead. Walking over to Severus, she kissed his cheek and took his hand in hers.

"Thank you Severus," she said gently, "for looking after my son. I knew you would care for him."

With a final kiss to Severus' cheek, Lily vanished.

Severus lifted his hand and touched his cheek and whispered, "you are welcome love."

Turning, Severus walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.

* * *

For anyone who may be unfamiliar with the term "Pay the Piper," it basically means to settle a debt or obligation. It is a commonly used American phrase when someone gets in trouble; they end up paying the price for their actions.


	9. Reconciliation

Author's Note: This is just to set the timeframe again as I haven't really referred to the days in the last couple of chapters. It is now Tuesday afternoon, about 2 PM. The term break ends on Sunday night with the return of the students. Given that, Harry has roughly four and a half days to get everything completed.

Chapter 9: Reconciliation

Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story.

Severus knocked quietly and opened the door to the room currently occupied by the sleeping Harry. He had done this every couple of hours, checking that Harry was sleeping and wasn't suffering any ill-effects from the previous night's over indulgence. Expecting to find the same thing he had found on the last three checks, he was surprised this time when he heard the distinct sound of quiet crying. Squinting slightly in the darkened room, he could make out the shaking shoulders. Harry had turned over at some point and he was now facing the opposite side of the room, facing away from Severus

Walking in, he closed the door quietly and made his way over to the bed. He sat down in the chair that was still sitting next to the bed and reached out, putting his hand on the shuddering back and rubbing gently. "What's wrong Harry?" he asked.

Harry, feeling Severus' hand, turned over again, careful to keep his sore backside from making excessive contact with the mattress. He didn't say anything as he met Severus' eyes. Severus asked again.

"What is it?"

Harry just shook his head, burrowing into the pillow. Severus continued to rub Harry's back but became more demanding in an effort to find out the cause of Harry's distress.

"Harry, I can't help you if you don't tell me what is bothering you. Now come on. Quit trying to suffocate yourself in the pillow."

Severus waited another minute or so before taking matters into his own hands. Reaching up, he yanked the pillow from under Harry's head. At Harry's tearful glare, Severus smirked. "Now you don' t have an excuse to ignore me," Severus stated. "Now talk to me. What's putting you in such a state?"

Sighing through his tears, Harry sat up, getting to his knees rather than sitting on the bed, since sitting wasn't a pleasant feeling at the moment. Sniffing hard, he dragged his sleeve across his face, trying to wipe away the moisture.

"Harry, how many times do I have to tell you, use a handkerchief?" an annoyed Severus grumbled, taking his out and handing it to Harry.

"Not like I had one handy," Harry tossed back.

Rolling his eyes, Severus lightly tapped Harry's knee; "attitude," Severus warned lightly. "Now, what is going on?"

Harry dropped his eyes and shrugged his shoulders, earning him another half-hearted growl from Severus. Sighing, Harry managed to maneuver himself off the bed and started to pace the room; Severus just looked on and waited. Giving in, Harry started.

"I can't get the visions out of my head," Harry said almost defiantly, his head coming up suddenly. "Why won't they just go away? How in hell am I supposed to get over 'things'," Harry said bitterly, "when they keep popping into my head?"

"I'll ignore your language for now," Severus sighed, but Harry got the subtle warning.

"This isn't going to go away overnight. You have issues to work through, images that you need to face and place in their proper perspective. In time, you will be able to either remove the images and replace them with something else, or, you will be able to lock them away in the recesses of your mind where they can no longer bother you. Until that time, you are going to occasionally feel vulnerable or upset," Severus reached out and snagged Harry's arm, stopping the frantic pacing, "look at me Harry," he ordered gently. Harry sighed and lifted his head to meet Severus' eyes. "It isn't a bad thing Harry, nor is it something that is abnormal. It is the normal way for people to handle negative events," here Severus paused and he reached up one hand to gently wipe away the lone tear making its way down Harry's cheek. "What you need to remember is what I have said time and again. You do not need to go through this by yourself. You can talk to your friends and you can certainly talk to me or any of the other staff members. Trust in us Harry, trust us to be there for you," Severus said.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders again.

"You've been asleep for four hours. If you go back to sleep you will never sleep tonight. On top of that, you missed breakfast and lunch. It's a little early for dinner but maybe a light, late tea and then you can eat a little more later," Severus said to Harry, watching him closely.

Harry grimaced and put his hand on his stomach, rubbing slightly. "I'm really not hungry; still not feeling a hundred percent."

"I dare say it is more because you have not eaten rather than still feeling the effects of the alcohol. I'll give you another stomach soother but I am going to insist you eat," Severus said firmly, standing up.

Grimacing, Harry reached back to rub gently at his still stinging backside, glaring at Severus' smirk.

"It isn't funny," Harry grumbled.

"Maybe not," Severus said lightly," but then it was not meant to be. You'll live," Severus finished, sounding less than sympathetic. "Don't forget your slippers," he reminded Harry, as he turned around and walked to the door.

Harry stuck out his tongue at Severus' back only to act like he was licking his lips when Severus, without turning around, said silkily "maybe some time in the corner will help you to overcome your childish displays. "

"Just wetting my lips," Harry returned innocently, following Severus out of the room, missing Severus' low chuckle.

Harry got to the sitting area a few seconds after Severus and was stopped from making his way to the couch by Severus' single word.

"Corner," Severus said, pointing to the corner nearest the fireplace, hios back still to Harry so Harry didn't see the evil grin on Severus' face.

"What?!" Harry exclaimed. "you're kidding right?"

Severus schooled his expression into impassiveness before turning to look at Harry; one eyebrow raised.

"Aw come ON Professor. You don't mean it?"

Again, Severus remained silent, his finger still pointing towards the corner in question, barely able to keep the smile from reaching his face.

Grumbling, Harry complied. "I don't believe this," he mumbled, his nose a few inches from the two walls. Severus smiled evilly again and left Harry to his mumbling. He wouldn't keep him there long; just until tea arrived. A few minutes later, a small platter with assorted fruit and scones appeared on the table, followed by a full tea service. Severus sat at the table for a moment, observing Harry still mumbling to himself in the corner.

Silently summoning a vial of stomach soother, Severus called Harry out of the corner.

"Come sit down Potter," Severus said, watching as Harry came out of the corner like he was on fire, his pace slowing as he approached the table. Severus watched as Harry glanced at the hard chairs, biting his lip. Rolling his eyes, Severus flicked his wand at the nearest chair, mumbling a cushioning charm under his breath.

"Have a seat," Severus said again as he held out the small vial.

Easing himself down as gently as possible, Harry shot another glare at Severus as he took the vial being offered. Harry popped the cork and downed the contents of the vial in one swallow, grimacing at the taste. Harry set the now empty vial back on the table and without looking up, reached for one of the warm scones, the scent of cinnamon and apple making his mouth water. Severus remained silent, pouring tea into Harry's cup and pushing it towards him. Harry acknowledged the act with a head nod, as he chewed contentedly on the scone that nearly melted in his mouth.

"You have quite a few hours yet before you are supposed to back in bed," Severus began. "What are your plans?"

"I'm surprised you are asking and not ordering," Harry said with a hint of his old cheek.

"It depends on what you are going to say," Severus said smoothly. "I have my own ideas."

"Git," Harry said, "brat," Severus shot back.

"You did say a six foot essay for Auror Preston?" Severus gave an affirming nod.

"I only have a few essays left from regular classes," Harry said. "I had planned on finishing those up over the next few days, but, given Auror Preston's essay, I guess I need to get the smaller essays done first. It'll be tough managing the long essay since it is going to take some more research," Harry said, disheartened. "Somehow, I don't think rattling on about my own experience is going to meet Auror Preston's expectations. I still have two potions to brew as well but five days to complete those, not counting what's left of today. Each one is a two day potion so I have to work on those each day and hopefully not make any mistakes. I guess I'll try and finish up what's left of the regular class essays. That will leave the next five days or so open for the brewing and trying to get Auror Preston's essay done."

Severus nodded again. "You seem to have things planned out so I will leave you to it," Severus said, "I do want you to work out here, however, during the day, at least until after dinner."

Harry flushed at the reminder of his restriction but didn't comment. Standing up, he made his way to his room to grab his books and supplies before bringing them back out to the table. Severus had moved to his favorite armchair and was just settling down with another cup of tea at his elbow and his ever present potion's journal.

Sitting down carefully on the still cushion charmed chair, Harry pushed the plate of scones out of his way after absently grabbing a second scone, and poured himself another cup of tea. He looked at the list of essays he still had to write and sighing, opened up his transfiguration text and started to read.


	10. Frustration

Author's Note: Only one chapter left. I admit this was a little more of a challenge than I had originally thought and I had to take the occasional hiatus when the direction of the chapter was in question. The next chapter will bring everything together.

**Content Warning: Mild Language**

Chapter 10: Frustration

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

It was late Saturday afternoon and Harry was at the end of his rope. Nothing had been going right since his encounter with the aurors. He had screwed up the final potion so badly that he was in danger of not finishing. A two day potion, he had just finished re-brewing the base which had to sit for not less than 24 hours before the second portion could be completed. At this rate, he would be up until midnight the following night in order to get it completed. He was only halfway through the six foot essay he had to get to Auror Preston and Severus had returned two of his final three essays for revision. To top it off, Severus had made Harry stick wholeheartedly to his restrictions and Harry had not seen the outside of Severus' quarters for more than 30 minutes at each meal for the past four days. His temper was ready to blow at the least provocation and he knew full well he couldn't let it happen; Severus would kill him. It had taken another full day before Harry could sit comfortably after the strapping Severus had administered and Harry was bound and determined to be sitting comfortably at the feast scheduled for the next night.

In agitation, Harry inadvertently knocked the full inkwell over, spilling the blue ink all over his newly completed essay.

"Dammit to hell!" Harry exploded, unfortunately, just as Severus came through the door from his office.

"I believe I have spoken to you about your language before Mr Potter. This is your second and final warning. Anymore swearing and you'll be tasting soap for five minutes."

Turning around to look at Severus, Harry's sense of self-preservation decided to go on vacation.

"You know something, I don't give a damn anymore. You've had me confined to these rooms for four days, you hand me back three completed essays for no reason other than you being a perfectionist pain in the arse and I just spilled ink over the last re-write."

Ignoring the glowing storm in Severus' eyes for a second, Harry turned back and muttered _tergio_, trying to siphon off the extra ink and hoping beyond hope that the essay could be salvaged. Unfortunately, even though much of the ink came off, a large blotch of the blue ink covered up a large portion of the essay; he would have to re-copy it.

"Dammit to hell!" Harry repeated, only to start sputtering as his mouth filled with the taste of soap. Gagging, he looked over to Severus who had his wand drawn, his face looking like a thundercloud. Harry swiped his tongue with the sleeve of his sweatshirt in a desperate attempt to get rid of the taste at the same time he tried to tell Severus to stop the spell.

"I warned you," Severus said sternly, showing no sign of any sympathy as he watched Harry trying to escape the taste in his mouth. "Three minutes should improve your vocabulary."

At first Harry glared at Severus but it didn't take long for his glare to turn into a pleading look. Catching Harry's look, Severus glanced at the clock above the fireplace; "one more minute," Severus said, hardening his heart against the tears now running down Harry's cheeks. Severus knew the tears were more from the acrid taste then any emotional upset but he still had a hard time seeing them on his students.

When the time was up Severus didn't hesitate to cancel the spell, groaning inwardly when Harry immediately got up and ran into the small bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach. Severus had followed him and placed one hand on the heaving back, rubbing gently. When Harry was done and shakily stood up straight, Severus summoned a cool, damp cloth, wiping Harry's sweaty forehead and tear streaked face. Harry just looked up, his face a picture of abject misery.

"Let's go back out," Severus said, his voice gentle, steering Harry back to the sitting area with a hand on his back.

As soon as they reached the sitting area, Severus called for Stiry and asked for a particular tea blend. Almost immediately, another tea service appeared and Severus, after making sure Harry was seated on the couch, poured a cup and handed it to Harry. When Harry just looked at it Severus said, "it's a chamomile and peppermint blend; it will settle your stomach and help with any lingering taste. I would give you a simple stomach soothing potion but given the taste, I am not sure you could keep it down."

Harry took the proffered cup and took a sip, his hands still shaking slightly. Both remained quiet, Harry avoiding Severus' eyes as he sipped at the tea. When Harry finished the cup, Severus took it from him.

"Look at me Harry," Severus said, his voice firm but without the hard edge it normally took when Severus was angry. Harry looked up.

"I apologize Harry; it was not my intention to make you sick. That particular spell, _tersus os _is meant to mimic the taste of soap but not result in the gagging that is common when using regular soap. As many times as I have used it or seen it used, no one has ever gotten sick. I will find something else if it becomes necessary but I trust I made my point."

"Yes S-Sir," Harry whispered miserably, "'m sorry."

Severus went on.

"Do you know why adults are not tolerant of poor language?" Severus asked.

Harry just shook his head.

"When you present yourself to someone, it is important to not only to look the part but to act the part as well. Granted, upon first meeting someone, you are not likely to swear at them but think of what happens later on. Interjecting an occasional swear word does not seem like a big deal, but, it tells the people around you that you do not have the desire, or the ability, to find another word to express yourself. When you swear in anger, such as what you did just now, it looks like you are unable to control yourself. Do you understand what I am telling you?" Severus asked.

"Yes Sir," Harry muttered quietly.

Severus put his hand on Harry's shoulder and gave it a forgiving squeeze.

"You can't do anything the easy way can you?" Severus teased lightly, heartened when Harry offered up a tentative smile.

"Which essay were you working on?"

"Yours actually," Harry said with a mischievous grin.

"You should have enough time to re-copy it before dinner. Once that is done, finish up the essay for Auror Preston and we'll take it to him in Hogsmeade tomorrow; you can hand it to him yourself."

"Hogsmeade?" Harry said, "but I'm gro..."

Harry broke off in surprise as Severus laid a finger on his lips.

"We will take it into Hogsmeade and you can deliver it yourself," Severus repeated, releasing Harry's lips.

"Right Sir," Harry said in a conspiratorial tone. "I'll just finish it up tonight so we can go early. Don't want to keep Auror Preston waiting."

Harry stood up to go back to the table, avoiding the good natured cuff Severus aimed towards his ear, grinning as he sat back down and started to re-copy the ruined essay.

* * *

tersus os: clean mouth


	11. Full Circle

Author's Note: The story is now complete. Several people have asked for a sequel, however, I am not sure that will occur. This was a spin-off story from the events in Potions Protege. I am not sure I can find a sequel to this one as technically, the two weeks Harry had with Severus for the holiday period have ended. Still, once I get Potions Protege back on track, I am sure some of flashbacks to Harry's final year might re-occur. On that note, I complete From Darkness to Light and I thank those who have followed the story. :)

Chapter 11: Full Circle

_Disclaimer: While I am borrowing many of the characters created by J.K. Rowling, all rights to those characters remain solely with her. I am neither receiving nor soliciting any monetary recompense for this story._

_Hogwarts_

Harry was nervous as he got dressed in his best school uniform and robes. Breakfast had ended an hour ago and he and Severus were getting ready to head into Hogsmeade for what Harry hoped was not going to be an embarrassing meeting with Auror Preston. It had been hard enough to face him the morning after the unfortunate incident at the _Three Broomsticks_. Now that Harry was going to be submitting what amounted to a punishment essay to the lead auror trainer, he wasn't so sure the trip into Hogsmeade would be worth it. Still, he was going stir crazy inside the walls and knew he was still facing another two weeks of being grounded. The fact that Severus was even allowing the trip was something in and of itself and embarrassing or not, Harry wasn't going to complain.

"Potter," Harry heard, "you have exactly three seconds to get your skinny backside out here or I am leaving without you!"

"Coming, coming," Harry muttered. With one last fortifying breath, Harry grabbed the neatly scrolled essay from the desk and his winter cloak lying over the desk chair, then made his way out to the sitting room and an impatient potions master.

* * *

_Hogsmeade Auror Office_

Severus could actually feel the nervousness coming off of the quiet teenager beside him. They were nearly at the auror's Hogsmeade office, the walk from Hogwarts having taken an extra 15 minutes due to Harry's slow pace. Severus had done everything he could short of yanking Harry along by his collar to speed things up but the teen wouldn't be convinced. Severus had given up and had shortened his stride so he didn't leave Harry alone. As they got closer, Harry started lagging even further behind and Severus finally gave in to his impatience.

"Harry, taking your time to get there is not going to make this any easier. Auror Preston is not going to bite but he is going to be less than happy if he has to wait all day for our arrival. Now will you please hurry up!?"

"I don't see why I had to bring this to him. Hedwig could have just as easily gotten it here," Harry grumbled half-heartedly, as he sped up a little.

"I seem to remember giving you a choice. May I remind you that YOU were the one to choose to hand it to him in person."

"I changed my mind," Harry grumped just as they came up to the door of the Auror Office.

Severus rolled his eyes, calling on anyone who was listening for patience and without a word, clamped his hand around the back of Harry's neck and opening the door, ushered Harry inside. Just as they walked in, Auror Preston looked up from his desk where he had been working on some paperwork.

"Severus, Mr Potter," he greeted them with a smile, waving them to the two chairs in front of his desk "do come in."

Harry swallowed hard as Severus 'helped' him to the chair, not taking his hand off his neck until Harry was firmly seated; Severus took the chair next to him. Harry flushed as he kept his gaze on the edge of the wood desk, not quite able to bring himself to look at the auror.

Auror Preston and Severus both looked at Harry, then at each other, then at Harry again; Severus rolled his eyes again and spoke up. "Mr Potter I believe you have something for Auror Preston?," he said pointedly, looking at Harry's bowed head.

They both saw Harry swallow hard as he lifted his eyes just enough to see the auror as he handed him the neatly tied scroll of parchment. Just as the auror took the scroll from his hands, Harry dropped them back into his lap, clasping them tightly, and returned his gaze to the desk, his face reddening in embarrassment. He looked up in surprise when he heard the auror chuckle and the incredulous look on Harry's face made the auror laugh outright. Harry looked at Severus in confusion.

"Please forgive me Mr. Potter," the auror said good naturedly. "I have seen that same look on the faces of any number of trainees over the years and it just hits me funny. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are not the first teenager to get drunk and certainly not the first to get a little, er, belligerent. The fact that you wrote this," he said, holding up the scroll, "and didn't try to make excuses for your poor behavior tells me a lot more about you than you know. I also have a confession to make."

Harry looked at him, the knot in his stomach slowly starting to loosen.

"I know you saw this essay as punishment and I admit that is the way I intended, however, every trainee that comes through the auror program writes several of these same types of essays dealing with alcohol, drugs and other crimes with which young trainees may face out in the field. It gives the trainee a chance to look into the minds of the people committing the crimes when they themselves have researched the causes and issues behind why those crimes might be committed. We don't always go after just dark wizards and it is important for an auror to have a sense of compassion for those who make a simple mistake. You have completed the first essay of ten that I normally assign so you are one ahead of your eventual training group," he finished meaningfully; Harry gaped at him.

"I, Sir," Harry stuttered, "I can still be an auror?"

Severus rolled his eyes again at Harry as Auror Preston went on.

"I am not going to lose a good prospect over one mistake," he said firmly. He picked up a sheaf of parchment and handed them to Harry.

"This is the application and information for the auror training program. These are due to the academy no later than the first of June which will allow for your NEWT scores to be finalized. There is a reading list in there along with related assignments that must be completed in time to send them with your application. We send these application packages out at the beginning of the year to anyone who has an interest in the auror program but since you were coming in, I decided to hand them to you personally."

"I, thank you Sir," Harry said, the knot dissolving as he looked at both the auror and back again at Severus, who had a smirk on his face. Harry narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"You knew about this didn't you?" Harry asked him.

"Of course I did," Severus said. "We had quite a long chat while Auror James was trying to get you out here. What do you think we talked about..the weather? I knew your aspirations to become an auror and just happened to fill in Auror Preston. I knew about this particular essay from a former student of mine who happened to mention it to me and I made the suggestion for Auror Preston to assign it to you. To me it accomplished two things. It got you to think about your actions and it got you just a little ahead of things for your eventual training."

Harry turned his attention back to Auror Preston who was looking very pleased with himself. Harry smiled wryly.

"Only Professor Snape could manage to think of a punishment essay as a way to get ahead," Harry said. Auror Preston laughed as Harry ducked a good natured cuff to the back of his head from Severus. "Brat," Severus added.

Glancing at the clock, Severus turned to Harry. "We need to get going. I want to stop off at the apothecary and I am guessing you might want to stop at Flourish and Blotts to pick up some of the books on that reading list."

Harry looked excited. "Yes Sir!" he exclaimed.

Standing, with them, Auror Preston held out his hand to Harry. "If you decide to follow through with the auror training Mr Potter, I will see you in July." Harry took the auror's hand and shook it firmly. "I'll be there Sir and thank you."

Auror Preston returned the handshake and smiled at the pair as Severus and Harry walked out of the office. Sitting back down, he grumbled as he pulled the stack of parchment towards him again and started filling in the unending forms.

* * *

_Hogwarts: 7 PM_

Harry was stranding at the front door, watching as the carriages carrying the students pulled up in front of the castle. The knot was back in his stomach as he realized he had come full circle. Here he was, waiting to see his friends, remembering the last time he had stood here, the hurt and anger on his friend's faces; Harry swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. He wanted desperately to see them, to apologize and to explain but at the same time, he wanted to run and hide, afraid they would not be able to forgive him.

Just as he was about to turn around and disappear for a few minutes, the first carriage pulled up and Harry saw Ron, Hermione and Ginny all climb out. They caught Harry's gaze and to a one, smiled at him. Walking quickly, Ginny was the first to reach him and he was nearly crushed in her enthusiastic hug. Just as quickly, Hermione repeated the gesture and Harry nearly lost his balance when Ron clapped him on the back. Harry couldn't speak for a moment over the lump in his throat.

"I am so sorry guys," Harry said, dropping his eyes, waiting.

The trio looked at each other over Harry's bowed head.

"Harry," Hermione said gently,"it's OK. We know you didn't mean what you said. You explained everything in your letter remember?"

"Yeah mate," Ron added. "It isn't the first time you have been a prat in any case and it probably won't be the last. If we quit being friends every time we had an issue, we'd have parted ways a long time ago."

"Gee, thanks Ron," Harry said wryly. "Anytime mate," Ron returned with a grin.

Hermione grabbed Ron by the hand and pulled him after her into the great hall, as Harry turned towards Ginny.

"I'm sorry Ginny," Harry said sadly. Ginny put a finger gently on his lips. "It's all right love," Ginny said gently. "I love you you know," she said with a grin. "A rotten mood here or there isn't going to scare me off," she finished, wrapping her arms around Harry's neck and kissing him gently.

Wrapping his arms around Ginny, he kissed her back and then buried his face in her long hair, holding her close. For the first time in weeks, he felt, happy.


End file.
